Why China? Why Special Needs.

We knew it would be international adoption, because we both remember the little guy in Cambodia. But Cambodia didn’t have the laws in place for adoption. We chose another country we had previously visited, China. When we went to the information meeting at the agency, there were two families there to talk about their experiences. One family had a gorgeous little girl from China which was a special needs adoption, or in adoption world language, “a waiting child”. We heard her story and knew we’d be doing special needs (sn).

It is important to note that sn is not the American definition, but a wider range of issues; from the most mild (birthmark on the face or any child over the age of two) to severe (expected severe cognitive disorders). Generally the country putting the child up for adoption wants to preserve its reputation, so it tells you as best as it can about the sn. I believe they do not sugar coat the situation.

The adoption agency gave us a long list of items that qualified for sn. The list ranged from mild to severe. We had to review it and tell them what we felt comfortable with and those issues that we didn’t think we were prepared to handle. The gut wrenching part was going through the list and having to say no. For example, we thought we could handle a deaf child, but blind would be too much. In thinking about missing fingers, i.e., is 7 enough?, I came to the conclusion that I would take a child missing a limb. But there were many needs that didn’t fit into our family. But yet there was a good number of sn on the list that we thought we could handle.

The other attraction to sn, was that we would be leaving a non-sn for those who weren’t ready to deal with sn. There are those involved in adoption as a last resort. There are those involved by choice. And there are a range of needs that span the distance between last resort and personal choice. But the big demand is for the youngest, healthiest babies available. Frankly, dh and I didn’t need to get into that fray. We have a gorgeous bio son. So to the baby front, btdt. Our son had a small cyst appear after he was born that required surgery and scared the hell out of us. I couldn’t imagine dealing with that if I was in a third world country with limited funds. I know I can love any and every kid on the planet. We wanted to expand our family. I also want to give a child a home. The China sn program fit for us. So did we choose China and sn, or did it just choose us? I think it chose us.