7/14/08 - almost midnight

Let's face it, it will be the day we leave by the time I'm done writing tonight!

What a day. I'm ready to go! I've stuffed our bags, paired down husband and I to about nothing to keep all the ridiculous stuff for the kids. I'm taking my weekend bag as my carry on, with toys, video, books, and all the must have documents. We have three big bags for check in; one is for the orphanage, one is everything for ds1, ds2 and me in Nanchang and GuangZhou, and the third is ds1 and my stuff for the Beijing days, as well as a tiny bit of space I left for my husband. Three of the four bags are under 40lbs. The fourth is 45lbs. I will rebalance in Beijing; I totally don't have the heart to do it tonight. The good news is that once we hit Nanchang, one bag disappears to the orphanage and I get to replace that as well as add a new one for the new guy. So no worries, there is lots of room to bring home memorabilia.

Packing and thinking about what is important is a bizarre twist from my first trips as a teenager. More electronics (camera, phone, video, blackberry) and a lot less clothes. Now when I travel I assume I will never see these people again, so it is ok that my clothes don't match and sandals or running shoes can go with anything. I used to try to look nice on trips. I debated on whether to take any make up at all. I decided there is likely to be a few photos, so I might want to take a little. As a teenager I lived in England for a year. I talked to my parents three times in that year. This was before cell phones. We actually wrote weekly letters! I think things were a bit more simple that way.

Also in packing, I had to go back in time. Will I need bibs? how many bottles? etc. All things we gave up a couple years ago! Our son gave up milk/formula on his first birthday. He gave up diapers on his third birthday. I'm a bit rusty. It will be fun.

On logistics, today I ordered medical trip insurance for us all, did a last stop for shampoo and like, packed, got a pedicure, had a nice private lunch by myself, packed more, went to dinner with ds and dh, took out the garbage (like a hundred times), wrote notes to friends, answered phone well wishes and a couple quick visits.

Emotional update, what a whirlwind. Its not like I didn't think today would arrive, but it seems like I was still unprepared. I took my time packing, thinking too much about every t-shirt or sock that went in the bag. I went to lunch and savored it as my last moment of freedom. But I've survived marriage - we just passed our ten year anniversary - and love my first son - now 3 and half years old - so I have no idea why I so needed this lunch all alone and really not that special. I guess I was savoring not having to go to work today; it was my first day off. I like what I do for a living. I've been doing in 12 years now, and its still interesting, which surprises me. However, I am on Wall Street and the market is bad, which is taxing when you are in it day in and day out.

I will be emailing in many of my post from a blackberry. This means be prepared for wicked misspellings. I will stop by internet cafe's to edit, add photos. I hear they are everywhere now, or hotel business suites.

I'm ready to go! I don't feel prepared, but I feel ready to take it on. We fly out of Newark at noon. Land on the 16th in Beijing. We are site seeing until the 19th, to Nanchang on the 20th. The schedule say I get to meet my son at 10:30 am on Tuesday the 22nd. I think he knows we are coming, but who knows? To GuangZhou on the 29th, and head home August 1st. The four of us are incredibly close to being together!

7/12/08 - I love weekends

I don't even know the date by Sunday night. Weekends are a whirlwind of family time. Great time bonding, tired time trying to avoid naps, and my favorite... the silly time. Silly time comes out of nowhere. Its those in-between moments when the joke is really stupid but we all get it. Its the giggles, the snuggles, the free kisses. Its really the reward of parenting, but it is greater than that because it happens between the three of us, not just with ds. This weekend the silly time was punctuated with the knowledge that soon its about to get richer by adding one more soul to the mix!

This weekend we had company visiting from out of town; cousins that ds loves. I had two boys sleep over saturday night and woke up to a household of three boys and of course the older fourth, my husband. Honestly, not a bad thing! But because of the family time, and the focus on savoring the last moments as a trio, Sunday night swept up on me like a ton of bricks. OH NO, I have to pack! Good news is, I took tomorrow off work just to do that.

So here's the logistics update. We are booked, I have tickets as well as a folder from the agency with every form we need. I have cash from the bank and a money belt to wear on the trip. I have all the required medicines, lots of distraction stuff, and diapers for all. I did manage to pack the orphanage donation bag. It is weighing at slightly over 30 lbs, which is perfect! (Note: for intra-China travel, suitcases must weight no more than ~40 lbs. For international flights the weight limit is 50 lbs. But how are you supposed to lose 10 lbs between flights is a small miracle I'd like someone to fill me in on. Forget the suitcase, I'll apply this miracle to my thighs!)

So here's the emotional update. I can burst into tears on a dime. Mostly for totally good reasons. The orphanage bag is predominately stuffed with supplies my friends have donated. Honestly, so much I couldn't get it all in the suitcase; t-shirts, dresses, boy clothes, girl clothes, socks, shampoo, combs, formula, developmental toys, pull toys, hydrocorticoid creams, socks and more socks. The things that didn't fit in the bag, I took to the adoption agency for my meeting with the three other couples that are traveling with us. I can say that all the donations, whether I carry them or not, are making it to kids in need/China. This is the kind of thing that makes me tear up - I know, pathetic.

Another big tear burst tonight, another adoption mom was reviewing photos from a disposable camera they sent to the orphanage which they retrieved when they pick up their daughter last month (talk about a run on sentence that I don't know how to fix!). She just emailed me the photos of her gorgeous daughter with my son tonight. The photos are amazing, its the first time I get to see my son smiling!! I don't think the Chinese Government has any idea how hard we work to keep these kids connected to China, to their peers and/or their region. Its amazing we have the technology to create this kind of network! Thank you Nicole!!



For those prospective adoption parents, or waiting adoption parents, you should know you can send a small package to your child. After we sent in our letter of intent, but before the Chinese authorities blessed the match, through our adoption agency we sent a small package; a disposable camera, a child-friendly photo album with 5 photos of ds1, dh and I, a small toy (slinky), a small stuffed animal, and some candies for the nannies (the nurses who take care of the children). The hope is when we go pick him up... in 10 days!!...We may receive the camera, which we can develop and give him/us photos of his friends and surroundings from before he joined us. Additionally, he will have seen photos of us, so we won't be a totally surprise.

The other tear jerker - your comments! Keep them coming! It totally helps. I have bought a travel stroller, travel scale, set aside tons of snacks to bring, as well as taken great counsel in your thoughts and words! Thank you. I am oddly calm tonight, I guess its because I haven't reached the crisis moment that I know is coming....when the suitcases won't close. But in the last week I've learned that we are traveling, booked the travel, completed all the documents, had awesome bonding time with my family and now feel more settled that we are leaving for an adventure of a life time. But this is not the first adventure or the last! The early adventures include, going to grad school, getting married and having the first child. This next adventure is to become a family of four. I'm not planning beyond this next adventure, but I know it only leads to more wonderful adventures to follow.

P.S. On the anxiety sleep. Good news, I got my period, drank a more than a glass of wine, and have been sleeping much better. Also very glad to have one less thing to pack on the trip, tampons!

7/11/08 - A Few Photos

Ok, its 4 days to go and I totally am not accomplishing a thing at work. So today I'm going to try putting up a few photos for the first time. Only a few, as I'm at work and only have a few to work with.

Here is ds2 our first referal photo and the most recent update. Isn't he a handsome guy! I have a few pre-surgery photos, but they are at home.




















And these last couple are of ds1. He is also gorgous, looking like his
daddy who is a very handsome dude.

7/9/08 - 5 days to go.

Expecting a child is consuming. When I was pregnant with ds1, by the end of the pregnancy I was huge and tired. He came at 41 weeks, with medical help, and at 10 lbs. During the pregnancy, I spent time talking to other moms getting advice on a wide range of subjects. I was tired. In the last few weeks I used to take naps as well as go to bed early. But sleeping was difficult as I was huge and the baby was active.

With adoption it is actually in many ways similar. I still feel pregnant, but it is not as visible. I am consumed with thoughts of "are we prepared?" I'm getting prepared, and spending time with other moms getting advice on a wide range of subjects. Its a different type of fellow mom search, as I'm not as visibly pregnant, but my radar for adopted families is up and I'm meeting blended families everywhere I go. I still don't know what is about to come, but I'm excited. And yes, I'm not sleeping well. Last night I woke from nightmares of fighting of Cobra snakes in the middle of flooding.

I'm presuming that the conclusions of both pregnancies will be similar. Child in hand, sleep deprivation till everyone gets on a schedule, but the creation of more love than thought humanly possible and some satisfaction in just being there.

Today we received our visa, passports and tickets back from the travel agent. I went to the bank for a cashiers check for the agency (covering all intra-country travel costs) as well as cash for all the payments required for the adoption process (donation to orphanage, passport fees, registration fees, notary fee, visa fees, medical check up fees, and yes, even $5 for a baby photograph fee). When I told the lady at the bank that I needed new (post 1990), clean money, and in specific denominations. The woman was totally accommodating, which surprised me.

Today my office surprised me with a baby shower and cake. My girlfriends surprised by with lots of donations for the orphanage. I'm starting to relax more and looking forward to the trip. Amazingly, its been 21 months getting to this point. It is happening fast, but still,some how, not quite fast enough.

7/8/08 - 6 Days to Go!

No trauma today, but progress. Today our Visa's were issued. We'll pick them up tomorrow with our tickets. I received the bill for our intra-China hotels and flights. So all is booked. I received my new blackberry at work so I can keep in touch with the office. I got my hair cut. It all looks ago.

Tomorrow I get cash from the bank, and a check for fees. Friday we have our "travel" meeting at the adoption agency where we will learn about all the paper work and process. This weekend to pack, and Tuesday we are off.

Last night, I slept through the night with no nightmares I remember. I woke up great this morning. I suggested to dh this morning that maybe we should only take two changes of clothes and buy the rest there! He reminded me that we are bigger than the average Chinese soul, so shopping could be limited. Yes, I'm starting to feel the giddiness of a coming trip! I always love returning to favorite spots, but a trip to a place I haven't been before is totally in another category. I finally had time to look at a map and think about tourist ideas. First the Great Wall is about 2 hours from Beijing, but looks like something we can totally do. The Terra Cotta warriors are in Xian, which is quite far from Beijing and not do able, but that's fine (it is always good to save something for the next trip!). It will be hot! That is good in that we can pack smaller clothes.

You've been given an easy ready today.

7/8/08 - Officially 7 Days to Go!

Big progress today! I've booked round trip tickets to China! We leave on Tuesday, July 15th and return on August 1st. Three tickets there and four tickets back. I've booked hotels in all our stops, which YES, includes Beijing! Our Passports are at the Chinese consulate in NY for visa approval, which we should have by tomorrow. Our "gotcha" date is 7/22/08. Our consulate appointment and/or swearing of oaths is 7/30 or 7/31st. So far so good!

Now that you have the conclusion, let me tell you the story of a woman who this morning stormed the travel agency demanding results. The agency was on 32nd street, in the heart of Korea town. It sat directly across from an awesome restaurant with a waterfall and a piano mounted 12 feet in the air. The morning started at 80 degrees Fahrenheit and the air was thick with humidity. Everyone on the subway was hot. Everyone knew the day was only going to get hotter.

The determined woman headed toward the agency with conviction that tickets and visas could be had, if only she stayed calm and polite. She entered the unair-conditioned lobby, rode the elevator up 9 floors, and exited to find the office closed. Bummer. Back down to the hot and sticky street rather than waiting in the sweltering hall. She bought an ice water, collected her thoughts, and watched people come and go. The hustle of the city was under way. After 15 minutes, she reentered the swamp of a lobby, rode the elevator, which opened to a preschool on the third floor. Oddly the woman interpreted the extra stop as a good sign for the mission at hand. At the ninth floor she exited.

The young man now in the office said the agent wouldn't be in until 11 am. The secret weapon of a frustrated, angry, yet still hopeful woman was released, tears flowed! The agent was on the phone within 5 minutes. The young man was scared to be left alone with a crazed crying woman and called for help. Yes, tickets are booked!

7/7/08 - so its almost 8 days to go

Ok, I'm frustrated. The adoption agency has told me when I need to be where, discouraged us from going to "busy and expensive" Beijing, encouraged us to use a specific travel agent for our arrangements, an agent who has been rude and now seems in control of our visas.

So hopefully we leave in 8 days.

Whenever I get angry/frustrated/feeling "duped"", I start doing research. So far I found the exact same flights the agent is recommending on Expedia for about $100 less. However, there will be a greater charge for any changes if I book it on Expedia. The agent didn't book any of the inner-China flights, which I presume are less expensive, and I will ask them to book before we go. Also the "expensive" hotels really don't look bad on Expedia. I'm finding 5 star hotels for around $200/night. I'm a New Yorker, anything under $400/night in a major world city is a good deal to me! Finally, I'm supposed to pay the agent around $180/person for processing the visa's. Well, it turns out the Chinese consulate is on the way to my office and for a same day service on a visa the current price is $135/person. So on this one maybe the agent earns the fee by taking on the hassle of a few hours waiting in person (jaded NYer thinks they are really out getting a coffee). Overall, I'm now feeling better about the prices by the rude agent and don't feel quite so duped. I'll deal with the lady and move on.

So what is the conclusion. YES, We are leaving in 8 days! Damn the torpedoes, we are off to China! We have no tickets, but we have filled out the Visa forms, we all had passport photos taken today, I told my boss I'm starting my leave next monday, and told our daytime sitter we are leaving on tuesday, so YES, WE CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN! Tomorrow morning I will storm the travel agents office until I'm happy, or I'll be on my way to the consulate by myself!

Now back to packing all the ridiculous stuff including extra disposable wash cloths, diapers, sippy cups and bibs!

7/6/08 -So its almost 9 days to go.

I say it’s almost 9 days, as we still haven't booked tickets. And I still don’t know for sure when we are leaving. I think every agency in the world decided to take advantage of the three day weekend. I'm kind of freaked about not having tickets.

Every time we travel, I want to see as much as possible. China is a long trip, 15 hours, with a three and a half year old, so I really want to stop at Beijing, but who knows? It is frustrating. I know when we travel with ds1 that we don't do the evening things we used to do when we were childless, but at least we get to see the local. However, I know from work, and the adoption agency, that visas are becoming harder to obtain infront of the Olympics, but we have an invitation to travel from the Chinese government and are planning to leave a week before the Olympics start. I would love to see the Great Wall and the Tarra Cotta worriers. But, we are going to go get ds2. I am now ready that if we are too late in booking that we will just hang in Hong Kong, or some possibility of visiting Shanghai. DH is excited about Shanghai, but its not the Tarra Cotta warriors, its not the Great Wall. Yes even 40 year old women can have a temper tantrum! But, in reality ds2 is in JiangXi, and there will be nothing like this journey, with or without Beijing!!

Today I finished buying the over-the-counter medicines. I bought more travel snacks, raisin boxes, sour patches, etc. I know I'm being ridiculous and planning for way too many contingencies. However, how can I do less? I bought four bars of little Dove travel soap, one for each city we might visit (Dove non-scented for ds2). More little travel games for ds1; I keep thinking 15 hour flight, two weeks there, 15 hour flight home. I assume ds2 will be interested in ds1's toys, but also buying a few specific items for his age (i.e., the highly recommended stacking cups!). But how am I going to get this all there? At what point am I ridiculous? I know dh will make fun of me, but then he doesn't pack for the family.

The "what ifs" are adding up. What if he's 20 lbs, rather than 25 lbs, and none of the clothing we take fits him? What if we have visa issues? What if all the flights are booked? What if we all get sick while traveling? What if he goes into morning for 2-6 weeks for his loss of nannies and home? What if ds1 has a major meltdown due to the divergence of attention? What if dh has a major meltdown due to the divergence of attention? What if I have a major meltdown due to the complete lack of solo time in the near term? What if they (sd1, sd2 and dh) are all happy together and don't need me? What if there is a major natural disaster while there (yes, on about day 5 in a row of apocalyptic dreams)? What if he is awesome and ds1 loves him so much this becomes the most awesome trip ever?? I’ve decided to focus on the last one.

When we get home, how will our routine change? Will I still cook 5 nights a week? I love cooking, ds1 loves cooking and it’s cheaper than ordering in or eating out. It’s healthier than frozen food. How will they do in the bath together? How will we get them both dry without one drowning or freezing? How will we get them both to sleep? Will they sleep in the same room? Will they both be crawling into our bed in the middle of the night?

The list of questions is endless, slightly depressing, slightly stimulating. Enough for today.

On the Move

Today we heard from our adoption agency, we must be in Nanchang on 7/21, Gotcha Day is 7/22, our consulate appointment in GZ is likely to be the 29 or 30, swearing in on the 30/31st, flying to Hong Kong on 8/1. Of course we find out at 4 pm in the afternoon before a 3 day weekend, so we can't start booking anything till Monday!! ouch! We could book flights on Expedia/Orbitz, but then if anything changes - which I think there may be a day off here or there - then its an expensive change. I don’t think we can book the in-country flights without a travel agency. Additionally we need to be book hotels and I think the agencies that help with adopted families now more about the hotels. Let alone help with the Visa. I’m so ready to book now; waiting 3-4 days is not my style! aurgh! But better to wait till Monday and work with a pro. Of course our agency hosted travel meeting, to give us details and introduce us to the other traveling families is not until this Tuesday or Thursday, so we really need to get moving on travel arrangements before we have all the information! yuck! Every step is an adventure!!! Good thing ds1 travels well.

But now I will start packing new guys bag, all the medicines, and the orphanage dowry.
on travel medicines - we met with an infectious disease specialist and international pediatrician. We met them together, as they work in the same office. It was a funny meeting. ds1 was along, the new pediatrician and the old one are both female. So he kept asking why the man was there? He's not accustomed to male doctors. In the end, he and I received hep A vaccines, and all four of us a ton of prescriptions. The doctor, Dr. Melissa Goldstein, NYC, I am naming because she was awesome. She spent 90 minutes going over everything we could possible expect from a child coming out of an orphanage in the summer and how to treat it; pink eye, scabies, mal nutrition, general colds, cradle crap, diaper rash, general rashes etc. I have prescription and non-prescription drugs now, as well as written instructions, on how to treat everything. Of course dh kept nodding off in the meeting, so I'll be giving him some treatments he doesn't need as revenge.

On orphanage dowry - it is a big duffle bag or suitcase full of stuff; toys, clothes, general baby things. We take it with us and drop it off there. It’s expected, but also after seeing the video, I know the orphanage is not rich on the toy front. Also from the video and the website I know it’s a smaller orphanage, about 60 kids; half are special needs and the other half are not. My understanding is that the orphanage is in a city southeastern part of China, known for rice production, and not particularly economically abundant. From other moms who have been there, I know the city/region is famous for its porcelain production.

On the unknown - ok, I admit it, I’m at day 2 of big catastrophic nightmares. I think this is stress induced. I need to go get this child and hopefully I wont be totally slept deprived until then. Maybe I’ll start sleeping better in China, or even by the time we have our tickets book, 3 tickets there, 4 tickets coming home!