Pointing in public

The boys are excited about the world, but they have not seen it all. So when they see something they find exciting, they don't hold back... they point, gesture wildly, dance about and even say exactly what is on their mind in a "loud enough for everyone to hear" voice.

Sometimes this is great, like when they spot the hawk that has come to live in the park beside our house. Sometimes it is embarrassing beyond belief!

With the weather warm, we all are getting outside and the restaurants with outside tables are packed. And NY is full of all sorts of people! Some even surprise me, but it takes less to surprise the boys. And when the weather is warm, people are not hidden under coats, scarves and hats. So Spring is when I think we all revisit humanity and start talking to each other on the street/at the park again.

We are out, eating hot dogs at a favorite dive on Broadway, when a very small person, (I'm afraid to use midget, as that may be an inappropriate term), with a very long beard, in a wheel chair is seated near us. Any one of these characteristics may have caught the boys' eyes, but all three!

"Mommy, why is that man so small? Does he not eat enough? Why is there so much hair growing from his face? Is that why he is small? Is he part animal?" and on and on. All with arm extended pointing straight at the dude in question. "Please put your arm down" I say, to which he responds, "Does the wheel chair help him reach the table? Why put my arm down? Why stop talking". The neighboring tables kept their heads down, but I could see their shoulders shaking. And once the Big Boy is in full excitement mode, the Little Man clamors in with his enthusiasm for participation. Thankfully, he's still hard for the general public to understand.

I found out there are at least a few questions I'm not prepared to answer. I now know this. I can't explain everything. I clearly don't know everything. But I can at least stop the pointing. And for the subject, I think he was a French tourist. He either ignored us beautifully, or truly didn't understand a word of English.

Spring rains = worms

I had such a great time with the boys all to myself this weekend. It rained on Friday night and early in the day Saturday, but by Saturday afternoon it had stopped and we were ready to get out to burn a bit of energy.

Several exciting things;

• The little man can now reach the pedals on the tricycle and actually pedals! He can generally steer, but if we are trying to go quickly, I take the back handle and guide.
• The life order is established, the Big boy leads, the Little man follows. If the big boy stops, the little man stops. The little man has been instructed that he is to follow. The little man seems happy with the arrangement for now.
  
• Spring has sprung and the boys now know the difference between daffodils and crocuses, but really just like finding the colors.
• Worms still come out when it rains. You can still pick them up with a stick. They are still worthy of saving (moving them from the sidewalk to the safety of the grass). And I still rule on the icky factor of being the first one willing to touch with my fingers to show them that it won't hurt. However, I did stop short of showing the boys you could rip it in two and both ends live.
  

Friends

How many times do you think you need to interact with someone for them to become a friend? How much shared experience do we need?

I was wondering about this watching the boys with their friends on the play ground. The boys have nothing but time. The hang with their buds, they create the shared experiences over a matter of 2-3 visits. On the first play date with a new kid, there is a bit of formality between the kids. But by the 4-5th they are "buds". They have done things together, they have learned each others names. They have likely hit one another or had a fight over a toy and bonded after the conflict. They have likely shared a meal or snack. And they now know each other well enough that if one is crying, the other goes for help. And they don't love everything about one another, they just work it out.

With adults, you see each other "around", but don't really get to have more than a chat. The shared meal or snack may not come until the 5th, 10th, or 29th meeting. And having a conflict and getting over it, takes longer if both sides decide to get over it to create real friendship. As adults, and I didn't look this up, but I'm sure the info is out there, I'll guess it takes us months/years to make a new friend. But the kids, they have time on their side. They can make a real friend in 2-3 days.

Friends are on my mind, because I'm spending a fair amount of time alone now - working from home, home with the boys. I actually like it. But I do find myself reaching out a bit more to friends asking for lunch/coffee dates. And maybe sometimes I'm "relationship rushing" in that I become a bit too friendly, too quickly. I'll ask for the coffee date on the second meeting, because I see a spark in someone and have no idea when I might casually run into them again (as my work tends to keep me busy in the house). And, it is hard to have a conversation more than the sentences when also watching the boys on the playground. But I'm also a low maintenance friend, as I am busy and don't want to have coffee everyday, or even every few days; but monthly might be nice. I'm email friendly, but I don't like to talk on the phone or text.

And as adults, I think we are less forgiving when we don't meet eye-to-eye on a political/religious/social issue. We don't keep going to the point of mutual respect, and friendship. Too often we surround ourselves with people "like" us. This is on my mind as I am new to being available in the day, and their are established cliques out there. I'm the new person trying to find where I fit.

I'm also coming from the corporate world, where you had to figure out how to get along with people whether I really liked them or not. I'm willing to agree to disagree. I'm willing to understand that not everyone sees the world as I do and that there are people who can show me another point of view. But I'm new to the social game at school pickup and the play ground. And in this new venue, there seems to be an assessment of me going on; will I fit? Am I a like-minded soul? a bit less of the corporate feeling that "hey we are all in the same office so lets find common ground".

I'm glad I have friends, I'm glad there are opportunities to make new ones. I'm glad I have other things to do with my time besides just social stuff. But adult friendship is an interesting thing. We like the person, we hope they like us, but its not a given for many, many years. And when its not yet a given, it feels to me very new and vulnerable.

Birthday Party Thoughts

In the last 10 days we have been to 3 birthday parties for four year olds. These are not necessarily the parties I love, but hey, I'm working from home so I'll take the opportunity to interact with adults.

The parties this week have been the spectrum you see in NYC. One was at home in a tiny apartment with the right number of kids (~8), but too many parents. No structure (other than the mandatory pizza delivery and cake at the end of the allotted time). The kids just played with toys while helium balloons floated about. The second was the "all in" at a local gym with a crew of 6-8 people to herd a group of 30 kids through the gym; tumbling, trampoline, rock climbing wall, dancing, etc. Then we were escorted to the "food room" where the mandatory pizza and cake was served, along with rhythmic chanting singing about the b.day celebrity. These official places never allow alcohol. Finally, the last was the in between; at a home, but they had just bought the apartment next door which was empty and it was in that space. Kids could draw on the walls, play with toys or do the activities offered (games and story time) before sitting down on the floor for pizza and cup cakes. At all the parties, my boys left with a goody bag of toys they broke in 10 minutes and candy they devoured in 5, but most importantly without all the energy with which they arrived, which helps bed time.

Tonight I offer a list of things I enjoy most at kids b.day parties:
- there should be alcohol for the adults. It should be obvious and refilled regularly.
- there should be extra people there to watch the babies vs. the herd of trampling kids.
- I don't mind dancing/running with the kids, if I don't have to take my shoes off.
- If I have to take my shoes off, so should the host.
- If activities for the kids aren't offered, then helmets should be.
- I would like to ban big pizza slices. If the kids can't hold them on their own, then expect the floor to get messy.
- cupcakes rule; if you don't bake, ask someone who does (i.e., I made the ones in the photo and I was thrilled to help out!) the store ones suck - they are all frosting and food coloring that oddly stains little faces.
- if Daddies attend, they should be in charge of watching the kids because the mommies really are desperate to chat with one another about things other than sports.
- if a child is standing on anything other than the floor, it should be reminded that it should be on the floor
- expect tears, from the kids, maybe mommies.
- ditch the "group " photo idea
- ban all games that involve sticks or ropes
- obvious tissues and garbage cans in every room
- departure gift bags should not include sticky or hard candy
- I don't mind bringing gifts, but I also don't mind when the request is to only bring books, but the kids get angry if they can't bring/receive a present.
- whomever is closest to the kid with snot, wipes.
- juice boxes rule.

I've not followed all my suggestions, but I continue to hope to do better.

Chinese New Year

Just to pick up where I left off last night.... I FEEL so much BETTER! There is snot, but there is no more migraine like pressure in the sinuses; such relief that I didn't even call the doctor this am! What an early night to bed and a good night sleep can do. Two more solid nights and I might even be well! Accordingly, I'm sneaking this post in during the 1 pm nap.

So last Sunday, February 8th, was the last day of the Chinese New Year celebrations. After two weeks of teen to mid-20s degree weather in NYC, last Sunday the temperature rocketed to the mid 50s in the afternoon so we ran down to Chinatown to catch the dragon dances. In NYC the dragons were sponsored by different martial arts groups, and they danced from noon to 6 pm on the Chinatown streets that were closed to car traffic, and are rather athletic (in my opinion). It was great!

I love NY, but it always surprises me how I can be transported to another world via the subway. We took the boys down, and the streets were crowded/festive, but there were few Caucasian families running around. Even with a celebration this big, DS1 was the only blond I saw on the scene.

There were drummers with each dragon. For the most part the drums were in little hand-push wagons and the drummers walked along side them. The dragons were only 2-5 people long, but they went through the crowds, up and down stoops, and in and out of shops, chasing away last year's bad luck and welcoming a fresh new year. DS2 loves music and a good beat. While he was up on my shoulders, as a best viewing spot, I could feel him wiggling his hips, waving his arms and clapping his hands along with the drums.

The shops were selling little rocket launchers full of confetti. I'm pretty sure this is illegal in NY, but the police have a way of looking the other direction for festive traditions. There were tons of these little rocket launchers being shot, and confetti on the ground everywhere. There is just something about confetti which is so festive. It brings out my "inner child".

After touring the area once, we stopped at one centrally located restaurant. It was really the only place where I saw other Caucasian families, but that definitely wasn't the reason we chose it. It had fish, crabs, els and other water creatures in tanks up front. The boys loved this, but didn't really get the concept that they were there to be eaten. The host was surprised that DS1 ordered dumplings and BBQ chicken strips, but was even more surprised when we had to put in a second order of each because the food was quite spectacular.

I'm sure I've said it before, but I really love Chinese New Year. It is awesome celebration of bringing great hope to the new year, with family, friends and a lot of noise. I like that it just dismisses last year as something that has passed, but is now done. On to a New Year!

Two is harder than One

I was trying to get the boys out the door the other day, I think it was for preschool, or something where we had a deadline, really needed to be on time and they started to fall apart. It was all stupid silly stuff, "I want my polar bear gloves", when I couldn't find them, resulting in tears and the in ability of DS1's brain to connect with his feet. Then DS2 wanting to be held while I'm trying to get DS1's shoes tied. Anyway, it reved up into a tear fest for both boys and me just trying to get shoes, sweaters, coats and stroller out the door.

It is easiest to pick up DS2 and man-handle him, as he weighs less. So on with the clothes, into the stroller, on to DS1. DS1 is good with following instructions, but if DS2 is screaming, he also becomes emotional. Finally, I couldn't take the screaming any more, I reached over put my hand on DS2's mouth and said directly to him, "stop screaming, we are going out, and you really don't need to be screaming". I removed my hand and he stayed quiet. I pulled DS1 into the back of the stroller and as I was buckling him in, I thought wow, it is so much easier with one. Wow, will DS1 think we treated him like that when he was a baby? Because, frankly, we didn't. There was less to do with one, more time, greater patience. Then the guilt hits that each kid gets different treatment.

Its a birth order thing. I'm sure if we had three kids I'd be even stricter and by four I would be running a military operation. I'm a second child. I've never minded being the second child. As a second, the first is always there, so you know no difference. My husband is a first child. He remembers resenting when his younger siblings arrived. He knew he got less time and attention. But now I more closely see what he saw. It is obvious.

When I'm with only one of the boys, it is less stressful, with either one. They are different, they are motivated by different things. DS1 responds to rewards, "if you do X you get a star". DS2 responds to threats, "If you don't put your coat on I'm going without you". With only one in tow, I can work easily with the kid, neither of us find it too stressful. We can have fun. Sometimes I even get more creative, like "if you don't put your coat on the cold police will stop you from going outside", or "if you have your coat on we are more likely to see the cold bird that lives in the tree tops and creates the cold".

However, I do like going out with both boys. But it is more stressful trying to maintain the schizophrenic positioning to get them both moving. Sometimes, they are well rested, in great moods and it is easy breezy! Sometimes, I leave the lobby with two strapped in, but tearful kids.

Adoption on Vacation

While we are at home, people look, some ask questions, all our friends and family know; DS2 is adopted.  But on vacation it seems funny, in the funny odd way, that it comes up.  So far so good, just funny. But I guess this too is a sign that DS2 is starting to become less "Chinese" looking to me, just "kid" looking.

First, we have a place we go to every year for our beach toys.  This year we came in and the store guy was totally attracted to DS2.  He asked if he was Chinese, Korean or Vietnamese.  This made me pause, because clearly he was saying the big three Asian adoption locals.  It turned out his sister runs an agency that helps people adopt from Vietnam.  He was excited to meet DS2, who only wanted to hit me with the beach shovel and keep everyone at bay with the rake.  When I mentioned he had cleft lip/palette, he said "I'd noticed".  This was  a first for me.  Most people don't notice, but he knew what he was looking for.  Overall a positive experience. 

Yesterday we were on a small boat out to an island.  And a woman was trying to figure out how old DS1 was.  I said he's almost 4 and the little guy is 2.  She asked, "are they both yours?"  I said, yes.  She said, "interesting."  It was odd, but she was French, with a thick accent, so I decided something might have been lost in translation. 

Today we were on a known to be kid-friendly beach.  Even if you walk out about 100 yards, it is still only 3 feet deep.  A bigger family group joined us, sitting in the seats by us.  They kept looking at me and DS2 (DS1 and DH were way, way out in the water jumping off a raft).  Finally they started talking to us.  Very nice people from Tennessee.  But it became clear I was doing a "good Christian" thing.  This always catches me off guard.  I don't mind people saying "God bless you"; I will take all the blessing I get, from any one or being.  What I find interesting is that this one act, having DS2 in my life makes me bless-able.  I mean hey, there are people who adopted in a less transparent manner than me.  And isn't just trying to raise a kid, any kid including the biologically derived type worthy of being blessed.  Finally, I was raised Christian, but I'm still a sinner in so many ways, and no longer willing to associate my spirituality with any organized religion, is my adoption choice really a "good Christian" act.  I am raising him to be a heathen.  If they knew more would I be un-blessed?  

Anyway,  the boys are having fun.  DS1 is out in the water, bouncing, jumping, swimming with too little fear for me to be comfortable.  DS2 likes sitting on the beach and digging.  When I get him to dig down at the surf line, he gets really mad at the waves.  It makes me laugh.  DS1 is too charged to nap until the end of the day, in the car. Typically out before the end of the parking lot. DS2 crashes after food and a poop, fairly reliably. Up playing one minute, out stone cold the next.  I've always thought beach naps are the best, all that fresh salt air coming being breathed deeply in.

Yesterday, everyone was grumpy, today was great.  There is something about the surf I find so soothing, that work/real life has to fight to stay in my mind. This may be a good thing for a few days. On to tomorrow.

Thing One and Thing Two Update - part 2

Continued from yesterday, on to Thing 2.

DS2 had his review with the early intervention people last week.  An hour with the speech therapist and an hour with the development therapist.  The reviews started at 12:30 and ended at 2:30 pm, which means early lunch, no nap, basically, not ideal for best performance.  This is the interesting juxtaposition, with Early Intervention, we are not looking for the best performance as we want assistance, and he must demonstrate a "need" for therapy for us getting the help.  Well, he was a good boy.  But I’m still hopeful of assistance coming.

On speech, frankly I don’t know what to say.  It is so FRUSTRATING!!  He understands everything we say.  He just is not talking yet.  He babbles and makes lots of noises, but doesn’t seem to really be trying to talk.  I think he has a few words, but they are instinctual mommie understanding of grunt sounds.  He does say; bye-bye (totally appropriately, but also uses it for “all done”), says a sound like DS1’s names, and “nana” for Banana.  I’ve come to believe that all the other words I believe he has, including, sausage, eggs, mama and dada.  Everyone (friends and family, that don't read all this discouraging information out on cleft lip/palette websites) is encouraging and says he’s going to break open at any time, but I’m frustrated and not sure.  I think he needs help.  This is why the early intervention assessment.  

Well, the speech assessor was with us.  She thinks he is well behind where he should be for a child his age with cleft lip/palette and/or a child who has switched languages, but a very bright kid.  Again, this is a good thing because this means they will give more therapy than less.

On development, I think DS2 is solid and doing a great job.  He is smart and surprises me a lot.  Sometimes I marvel at his ability to reign in his emotions even when he is out of control.  Even more I’m surprised at how smart he is.  The first time I showed him a shape sorting game, he figured it out without assistance.  He can do shape puzzles without a lot of trying to fit pieces, but actually putting the right pieces in the right place.  Finally, his ability to pick up language; not only is he fluent in English, he’s starting to show great understanding of Spanish with one of the nannies in his playgroup, really amazes me.

However, with the development assessment, I think DS2 was more tired.  He showed his tiredness, displayed his temper, and fought her a bit.  He did well, but the assessor thinks he’s not following directions as well as he should for his age.  I do believe he’s bright, brighter than what she saw, but I will admit he’s having a hard time controlling his temper.  But I think the temper flares most when he has trouble communicating; which is why I’m seeking speech help.  But ok, we’ll see what they recommend, and I won’t fight it, as it is all free therapy.  But this assessment stung just a bit.

Overall, DS2 is doing well.  I hoping we can get all the therapies started in January, and by the time he turns 3, which is when we lose the free state funded therapy, he’ll be starting preschool the next month. Eight months of therapy should show us what we can accomplish if we really work it.  However, I’ll be honest, he needs to mature a lot to do well in preschool.  I’m already rather nervous about whether he'll be ready. 

Thing One and Thing Two Update - part 1

Last week within the hour of losing my job, DS2 received his State appointed Early Intervention Assessment.  Yesterday, I attended DS1’s first preschool parent/teacher conference.  So what order to present?

Today that was an issue, what order, how to juggle two, as I had DS1 sick on the couch and DS2 screaming, literally screaming for attention as I was trying to see if DS1 needed the bucket for throwing up.  I do love them both, but they both make it hard some times.  And reasoning with either child, yes they are both under the age of four, is next to impossible.  Then they both surprise me and make me think I’m the asshole in the equation.  Yeah, mommie guilt.

So, Thing One.

On Sunday this last week we went to a birthday party for one of his friends.  It was at a ceramic/arts craft place.  A pretty cool party over all.  What amazed me was his ability to follow instructions, wait patiently and participate.  I would estimate that six month ago I was worried that he seemed to only learn by watching, but now he could clearly listen and follow instructions.  He is still a suck-up; totally sits near the leader/teacher of the activities.  Or maybe he's used to this due to how we work in the kitchen together. But what surprised me was his participation.  He used to watch everything and do only 30-50% of the activities.  But he was with it all, 100%.  Even at the dance time, he was totally busting moves I’d never seen before.  I will post the video as soon as I figure out how to do that.  There was even a game, which he didn’t seem particularly into, but he did it anyway.

Then at the parent/teacher meeting the teachers confirmed my suspicions, the kid is growing up.  He is helpful in the class, nice to his friends and all the other kids as well.  He is now participating in activities, which at the beginning of the school year he wasn’t.  He rotates through all the class activities and doesn’t seem to avoid anything.  He is showing a good attention span.  Most important to DH, he is now counting to 5, without skipping four.

Here’s the amazing part, his teacher brought up that in the infamous “theater movement” class and music time, he is showing a lot of new moves that have really surprised them.  Well, that’s two of us! DH thinks its the Latin blood showing. He dresses himself – i.e., puts his jacket for terrace time, and buttons his pants after going “pee”.  These last items are great, but why then does he insist I do it at home?  Also you don’t know it until you are there, but just because the kid can poop in the potty doesn’t mean you are off the hook.  I have no idea for how long I’ll be wiping for him.

In NYC there is a lot of peer pressure to start kids in pre-school at age 2.  However, I chose to wait until he was 3.  Not that he was sitting at home doing nothing; the kid has a bigger social life than I ever have with ballet and Spanish classes.  But today, waiting until he was 3 to start the formal everyday school, feels like a good choice.

On the downside, DH thinks that I’m taking out all my frustration on the boys and asking too much from them, but DS1 particularly.  The weird part is, that I know I ask a lot from the boys, but I think I’m asking a ridiculous amount from DS2 more than DS1.  Maybe it’s the second time around guilt?  I feel guilty that the second child gets less attention, which makes me expect more from both so we can have more time doing fun things rather than routine activities.  Maybe I’m missing the point, the boys like doing the routine stuff, its only me feeling like it should be more.  Also the boys are so young that they will not actually remember any of our activities, so why do I try so hard.  But I can’t wait until they are older to have fun.  Yeah, mommie guilt is always there.  And frankly the boys do step up to almost every challenge I throw their  way.  Also, the really have DH wrapped around their little pinkies.

To be continued.

 

Elections - late but thoughts won't go away.

OK, for ages I've thought about writing about the elections. First, I was going to write to tell everyone to vote. But, I didn't want to say who to vote for, I just think its good to participate. But, I didn't know how to write my thoughts without offending anyone.

Then I wanted to say, "YEAH!" I'm so relieved. But again I didn't want to offend anyone.

I mentioned it do DH and his usual response to my comments about the blog arose. First, "you still writing that?" Then, "well, what does that have to do with adoption?" and finally, "Why do you care if you offend anyone?". Got to love this man.

Well, I thought about it and I can't let it go. Here's the background. I am Puerto Rican. My beautiful blond-haired blue-eyed olive-skinned son knows how to say all his animals in Spanish. My beautiful jet black-haired, black-eyed, dark-skinned son, will always stand out as not the all-American look. My once-blond, now graying- haired, blue-eyed WASPy husband is becoming a minority! That makes my heart sing. I am also a semi-senior woman on Wall Street - that may qualify me as a greater minority than any thing else!

I tell my husband during a variety of "social issue" fights, he likes to call them discussions, that he'll never know what it is like to walk down the street as a woman. I understand the odd feeling of walking around a foreign country and standing out as different. I also know what it is like in Italy and Spain where I can blend, although I don't belong. And I never forget who I am; I seldom think I fit in. Hey in Idaho, where I grew up, there were no other Puerto Ricans. Now that I'm surrounded by them in New York, I am not one of them, as I lack the language and the urban experience. These are not regrets, not at all, just the facts.

One of my sons is going to walk around and realize few look like him. Frankly, I think both of them will notice this fact. Do we really want to live in a society where the majority of people believe that only white men can achieve the highest office (be it the White House or the corner office)? Do I want to live in a society where we say anyone can achieve anything, but it hasn't occurred yet? I think the empowerment of people, whatever their color, is a good thing for society as a whole. Obama offers that! Even the Latinos around me now say, hey, if a Black man can do it, then watch out as the Latinos move in.

I am not a proud American. I seldom claim to be an American. I've traveled around the world, I know what a fabulous place the US is - do you realize that less than 10% of Americans actually have a passport! I know how horrible the situation is elsewhere and I chose to stay in the US (at least for now. But, I have not been proud to claim participation in this country. I've been horrified by our international policies, and even more horrified by our domestic policies. Do you realize it is still on the books that Asian are not allowed to own land in certain states/counties - left over from the depression/immigration scares, but still on the books. I'm also saddened that the Gay Marriage votes were so opposed. Marriage is a huge commitment that is really hard and sucks in many ways, (yes, I'm happily married), yest we are willing to let immature teenagers do it but not adults in a committed relationship?

But, right now I couldn't be happier. Maybe for a while I'll be proud of my fellow Americans. Not for "overcoming prejudice" but for realizing we are in a mess, we need change and we need it now. If having a Black man in office makes people more aware of prejudice, not just the need for change, well, its a good thing!

So, Thank you for voting. I don't care who you voted for (my guy won, so no hard feelings), but you cared enough to participate, that is awesome, that is what America needs, so let's keep participating! Let's go for change. We have to offer our children something to work with, not a disaster to fix. So yeah, its about the kids! I created one citizen and sponsored a new citizen this year, and we owe them better.

A Weekend Away

I don't know where to start! "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" No, no, no, I'll save that for discussing politics - which I've been meaning to do an will get to in another post. It was great to get away. It was great to get to know extended family - really nice, lovely people. It was hard to leave the boys. It was good to leave the boys. It was hard to trust them in my parents' care. It was harder to trust them in my parents' care with each phone call home!!

Upon arrival at our first plane transfer, about 2 1/2 hours after leaving the boys, at touch down DH's phone beeps to say there is a message. I don't wait till we got to the gate, I called in taxi mode. Oh Fuck! What is wrong?! But when I called,  I find out that my Dad is having trouble figuring out how to get the sound on the TV.   Ok - not too bad, not bad at all. 

But then my mind starts working. My parents wanted to be with the boys, they complain about not seeing them and worried they won't know them.... but 2 hours into sitting he's trying to watch college football? Also, I don't allow the TV on during day light, so I know this action would prompt a question out of DS1. Afraid of how those were answered.  Also, I don't allow TV, only videos. Yeah, we are taking off on our second flight and I'm starting to wonder how my mom is going to handle both the boys all by herself.

Out of the next 3 calls home over the next 24 hours, twice my mom is napping while the boys are watching videos or playing with my dad. On the third call, my regular day sitter is there, which I had pre-arranged, but an hour beyond what I had scheduled, feeding the boys dinner. Ok, I admit, I'm glad she is there! When I talk to DS1, he informs me, they "are fooling around. Then going to have dinner, go to bed and fool around some more". Clearly he's picking up a few new phrases.

The wedding we attended was magnificent, beyond belief. But it was really the people we were there to see. Cousins, cousins, and cousins and my parents-in-law. It was great. DH's brother and wife were there, and we always enjoy hanging with them. However, DH had decided not to rent a car, to let his father drive, which I can assure you will not happen again!

Let me explain, we actually missed the wedding. We left 45 minutes early to a place supposedly 10 minutes away. We were all in the car, with two, yes, two separate GPS systems. But if you have the wrong address, it doesn't matter how many GPS systems you have!  After driving at least 35 minutes to a wedding supposedly 10 minutes away, we turned around. We called for help and were informed there were directions in the hotel gift bags, Aha!  Interestingly none of us had asked for the gift bags on check in. So, we had back to the hotel for the gift bag, yeah, we'll be a bit late.

As I'm gazing out the window, while my angry father-in-law drives 10 miles an hour down the freeway, I see our hotel go by! I inform the others. We laugh till we cry. 15 minutes later we reach the hotel, I go pee, check my tear stained makeup, grab the gift bag and off we go. 10 minutes into the drive my mother-in-law mentions that we are heading to the same area where the rehearsal dinner was the night before. I lean forward (yes, as dutiful wife I am in the backseat) and note that DH is reading the instructions to the rehearsal dinner site, not the wedding! More laughs, more tears, total family bonding, but the grim reality sets in that we have missed the wedding. Finally, at the wedding site, we pull up as the last bus for the reception is getting ready to leave. We flag it and jump on. 

The extended family, although we've been married for 10 years, I'm still just getting to know. This is the reason for the trip, and well worth it. Really just a great wave of people, all friendly and lovely, very welcoming although the years have passes since a tighter relationship existed. I really don't want to ascribe it to southern hospitality, these people are simply nice.

The next day was a post wedding brunch, lunch with cousins, and then our uneventful flight home. My house was tidy, the boys asleep, and my parents were tired and hungry. They want to sit again. They say they had fun. But I'm sure I'll hear the truth over the next few days as DS1 already told me that it would have been better if the lady grandpa had slept in his room and grandpa that snores could stay in my room.

There are too many idiots on the road!

I have never felt comfortable in the car when my father is driving.  He's not a Terrible driver, but he is a terrible driver. Back when I lived at home, and we are decades ago,  he would yell at the other drivers and there always seemed to be a lot of idiots on the road when he was driving. Maybe he has improved, I don't know.

Tonight I went to a multi-cultural event at DS1's school.  It was billed as being songs, art and pizza, so I took both boys.  I figure we are a multi-cultural group; I'm Hispanic, and kind of look it, DS1 with Blue eyes is learning Spanish, and DS2 is Chinese, trying to learn English, and frankly even my English could use much improvement!  So we went, and it was an unbelievable disappointment.

When we got there I left the stroller on the street, yes, to those of you outside NYC, a stroller on the street in front of school is untouchable. I wouldn't leave in front of a store, but a school or playground, yes.  Well, at the playground I kept in eyesight because the squirrels are aggressive.  The janitor gave my boys big high fives and we all went in happy.  As we walked in and no one greeted us.  I asked a couple organizers if I was in the right place just to make small talk, they looked at me like I had the plague.  There was a gang of older kids, I'd guess 6-8 years old, running and wrestling in the middle of the room, which seemed pretty inappropriate to me.  So my guys and I sat down at the art table, but after we started painting with the glue, we were briskly informed that we were to wait until after the story.  DS1 was a bit crushed, but I told him it was my bad, not his.  

Ok, where's the story?  no story just kids running amuck. 

Finally story time started, which was very cool. They had this artist there who had illustrated a children's book.  While someone read the book, he was drawing on a large drawing pad where the kids could watch.  They were into it.  To my chagrin the book was like 4 pages long, which means this very cool and engaging activity was over in 5 minutes.  The book was about everyone having different type of hair.  I'm not sure DS1 was thrilled to discover DS1 and I had dark hair and he does not.  Additionally, while DS1 was willing to say I had curly hair, he and DS2 had wavy hair.  No conversation could make him change his mind, he was not going to be the only one with wavy hair. We were at the drawings, which everyone else had abandoned, talking about which drawing I looked like vs. DS2 vs. DS1, when one of the organizers asked me which of the boys was mine - yes, at a billed multi-cultural event!

At arts and craft, they were face shapes of different colors, but they looked like pumpkins to me.  Obviously, I said something that the organizers didn't appreciate and I was informed we were making faces, not pumpkins.  DS1 didn't like the tone and melted down to a face hide in my skirt, while DS2 alternated on pulling my hair and scratching me while I tried to keep him out of the glue.  

Next was pizza, which was not there, but "hang in there it should be here in 5 minutes". As the kids resorted to wrestling again, I gathered the boys and headed the hell out of there!  we went to the store, bought the ingredients (the Pilzbury pizza dough is pretty cool and only take 10 minutes in our oven) and made a pizza at home.  Now it is funny to me, but at the time it was not. But now the boys are asleep and I've had a couple glasses of wine. 

I don't think we'll be attending the next multi-cultural event unless I'm hosting it.  Cause there were too many idiots on the road tonight.