Little proud of myself, really greatful to the powers that be

I've been busy. At another trade show at the moment. But it is in NYC, so I'm just home and exhausted. However it closes tomorrow. Big day though, the show is hosting a cocktail reception with passed snacks from 6-8 pm. Unfortunately means breakdown of booths isn't until 8:30Pm!

It only takes me an hour to break down my booth, but it is one too many bags for me to carry by myself. And I have to get it to the street to a car to get home. Which means, yes I need help. Not a good thing for the independent girl. Then then kicker, is I can get the hubby for free, but whose with the kids. Hubby was like, "have the sitter stay" which would add about $75 to my day. Not a great option.

So I chose and option I've not chosen in the last five years. Not since we've had kids. I started thinking about all the people we know who live in our building that are childless, that could come to our apartment at 9 pm at night and not need to be paid. Yeah, there were more than one person on the list. I went knocking on doors, and at the second door, I got a YES! More than that, they said, "I would love to. I'm honored that you asked!"

So, hubby is coming down to help me get the stuff home at 9 pm, the kids will be in bed and a loving neighbor who is honored to be on call will be watching TV in our apartment while the kids sleep, I will be coming home from another trade show where I just keep putting Norman out there, and I'm learning how to ask for help.

I know it sounds like the simple stuff, a small thing. But I'm grateful there are people who answer my call.

Ode to flight attendents

I've been on the road, at the Atlanta Mart, selling Normans. He was well received. I spent all day billing and shipping orders, but it wasn't my best show yet. However, you never know. It seems to me that the orders continue to flow for several weeks post a show.

I missed the kids and the hubby. But wow I needed the time. I needed to vent with people who don't know me, aren't vested in the situation and were supportive. I also met amazing people who are just a few years ahead of me on starting their own businesses. Tons of experience to absorb.

I also need to focus on consulting, so it is good to be home. The show was basically a 9 am opening with an 8 pm closing, then networking. yeah, exhausting.

Sometimes you wonder what you would do in a situation. On the plane there was a guy right behind me really, like REALLY drunk! He was generally talking nicely with the kids behind me (kids like 25 years old). But then he turned ugly. I turned to look and the gal looked uncomfortable, so I was about to hit the bell for the flight attendant not knowing what she could do. but she turned the corner before I hit the bell, smelled the guy and engaged him. She then called and had the pilot turn the plane around (we were on the run way, 3rd in line) and we took an extra 45 minutes to unload the guy. Wow.

But also, totally the right choice. This guy was on the edge of turning mean. He was REALLY drunk. And I wouldn't have wanted to sit beside him, let alone within ear shot for two hours. What a choice, what a great choice, yet other passengers were upset about being late. This is a guy that could have been totally disruptive. Maybe violent with the folks sitting beside him.

We need to do what we think is appropriate. We need to change situations when necessary. And we don't have to wait until a situation is horrible, we should be proactive.

Kudos to my flight attendants on this flight.

more later.

revisit on Foster parents

Tonight at dinner we started taking down all the holiday cards that are on the wall by the kitchen table. Most have photographs of the families, and some are of photographs of the children that shared the orphanage with the Little Man.

It was interesting to see who he would pick out of the family photos, but there is still a "chinese" connection. I asked him if he remember the orphanage or his foster family, and he looked at me like I was from another planet. Honesttly, the kids give me that look often and I presume it is about me, not them. I reminded him that he lived with another mommy until he could come join me. When I pulled out the photo, he studied it. I asked who is that, which he pointed out himself and then said "I don't know" and "a man" to the people whom he first called 'mama' and 'baba'.

Amazingly, this shocked me as much as the first time when he saw the photo and immediately pointed out mama and baba. Is he forgetting? Is it that he's been socialized into accepting us and not them? We'll never know. And it comes at an interesting time.

This week for the first time he asked me "what's that" about the scare on his lip. I explained he was born with a hole in his mouth, but the doctors fixed it and that's the scar. (check out the book special smile at http://www.aspecialsmile.com/ if you need fodder for conversation with your children, feel free to tell her I sent you). Tonight I showed him a photo pre surgery with his foster mom. He pointed to his lip and siad "no more hole". Amazing. But while I've brought cleft lip/palette up on occasion with the boys, this was the first time The Little Man brought it up, and he brought it up when it was just me and him. Tonight we all talked about it.

This was also a week when his biological mom flashed through my mind on occasion. Not staying heavily, I always dismiss the thoughts of her saying to myself, "I'll send her all the energy I can muster on her big holiday" which is Chinese New Year. Interestingly this year, Chinese New Year falls on Valentine's Day. I don't think the Chinese observe Valentine's day (any one who knows better than I is most welcome to educate me on this subject). But this week I thought more about his foster family. They were in it to help kids, and likely the income as well. But they knew they were a transit stop, not home. I'm not sure I'm a big enough person to do that. If I had to, if a child fell into my lap, and needed the transit stop, I would be there. But would I willingly raise my hand for that role? Wow, not right now. I'm just not the person ready for that role at the moment. So the foster family had been on my thoughts although I said nothing to anyone about it.

The shock of his not recognizing them is weird. Has he moved on? He left them before he was two, so how much should he remember? But leaving them couldn't have been easy. I guess I won't know until he is much, much older if even then. again no great conclusion. Just sharing the moment, the thoughts.

Privacy - Theirs this time

The boys get very dry skin in the winter. I've tried everything, but the bottom line is they hate moisturizers. In search of a solution, I've convinced them that the Greek God used olive oil so they should too. Yes, after a bath, they get slopped all over with olive oil. They are cool with the routine, and overall, it does really help the dry skin issue.

So tonight we had a new twist. The Big Boy told me I couldn't put it on his "penis". First of all, I'm not sure I ever have. Second, he seems a little penis consumed at the moment. For example, tonight he laid back in the bath and informed me that his penis was the 'light house' on his island. I thought it was creative, but hey, there are some things I'm just not sure how I should respond.

Anyway, the discussion went like this,

"I won't put oil on your penis."

"I bet you do!"

"No. really I won't. You know, your penis is a private part and no one but you and the doctor really have a need to touch it."

"Really?"

"Yep, really."

Somehow I just know this conversation is going to make it to preschool. Oh, well. I try.

New Year's resolutions

I've not been a fan of Resolutions, and haven't made them in the past. But the last couple years have been a roller coaster and leaving this year (2009) where I started taking a greater control of my time and destiny, I choose to take it even farther in 2010.

So the resolutions:

• Get the finances in order - complete the tax filings for all business, refinance a loan or two, have the quick books running on all accounts (including the hubby's business and hour household spend). Sort out the school priorities and costs.
• Get the photos in order - I still haven't printed our 2008 photo album or our trip to China album. Let alone getting on with the now due one for 2009.
• Get the businesses in order - which means finding a balance in working both jobs, delegating and staying organized. It is not that I'm inefficient, it is that I'm trying to accomplish huge task, and it simply takes time.
• Teach the eldest to wipe his own butt. Do I really need to continue to wipe every time he poops? Like who does it when he's at school.
• Lose/maintain weight. I eat healthy for the most part and cook well. But I'm not looking for a lot here, really just 8-10 lbs.
• Increase my income. I want to triple consulting income in 2010, I want to join 2 more public boards and meet the consulting income with board income. I want Fierce Fun Toys, to launch 2 new toys, 11 more books, and see profitability.

No resolutions regarding the kids. They need to grow and do things at their own pace. I just stick along for the ride. The Big Boy is changing schools this Fall, so I hope to be supportive and there for that. The Little Man has to qualify for therapy each year. While it is great he is getting therapy, I look forward to the time when he doesn't qualify. It doesn't seem fair to put pressure on them to perform, when I already have enough pressure on me.

To 2010!

Ownership and responsibilities.

I'd been thinking about writing about this particular topic for a while and to be frank, I've hesitated as I really didn't want to offend anyone.  But it crept up again this week, and today, so I'm going to come out with it.

The only thing I have found different about having a biological child and an adoptive child, is that when "issues" creep up with the adoptive child, I tackle them straight on without hesitation or embarrassment, but with full ownership of suppling a correction.  

I first noticed this when I started seeking Early Intervention help for the Little Man.  I went into the process seeking help with speech and anything else they saw that I might have missed or not known about.  When we started therapy, I met with all the therapist and wanted to understand what they were going to do and how it all worked.  When they gave progress reports, I also gave them progress reports from my end of what had changed in his abilities/behaviours, and what I thought was not where it should be.  They were always a bit paused when they I told them what I still didn't think was moving along as much as I hoped.

Recently, with the state funded therapy, one of our therapist, the physical therapist, left the agency we are working with and the new therapist wanted to give me her assessment.  She did hesitantly, and when I agreed that the Little Man is still lacking significantly in stomach and upper body muscle tone, she commented that often parents became offended when she raised this particular issue.  I told her everything I see and what I want to concur with him.  She is on board.

I also saw this when my sitter had to take the Little Man to therapy for the first time.  She didn't tell the other sitters, although I'm totally open about the amount of therapy he's undergoing.  None of the therapy is life-long stuff in my opinion.  It all is about catching him up to the 'Norm' and giving him any tools he need that he may have missed at the appropriate age/development stage.  She came back from that first session telling me that there were three other sitters there with kids she knew but didn't know any of them were receiving therapy.

So, I go for what he needs.  I talk about it and I don't hide it at all.  In fact I've suggested therapy to others that hadn't even wanted to consider the need.  But since I blame it on lack of stimulation/opportunity to explore the appropriate development milestones at the age most kids hit, I take little ownership to the cause of his delays.  I take full ownership of finding the tools to correct the delays.

The outcome of this, is the surprise for me.  The Big Boy, although 5, and now wanting to write his name, which he mostly does really well, does not memorize as quickly/well.  He knows the difference between numbers and letters, but he doesn't recognize all the letters 1-9, and cannot recite the alphabet.  I wish he could.  I work with him to try and make numbers and letters fun.  But I have felt bad on occasion that I'm not doing enough.  But with the issues with the Little Man, I have no personal concerns about whether I'm doing enough, I just do what I can.

So far, this is the one difference I find.  Ownership of the shortfalls.  And you know what, the reality of the adoption, is teaching me that I shouldn't take ownership of the cause of any disappointments I have with the Big Boy, but that I should just continue to find the tools to help them grow, not focus on the delay itself.