Goal Oriented, Blues

Today is a tough day. Yesterday was not. But the week in general has not been great.

There are activities that excite me and those that don't. Right now work is a bit in the "not" category, and things that excite me are a touch out of reach. For example, Sunday, I wanted to run to an arts and craft store, a new one in the hood, before it closed. DH asked, "why?', I said its an art and craft store, he said "why", I said you know a place full of ideas, "why?". Now I was pissed, "because I want to have some fun in my life" and stormed out.

I guess in writing the story, I'm starting to get it. I'm very goal oriented. I like to create things, with my hands, with clay, material, the camera, with train set or blocks and yes, yes, yes, cooking. I like working out the puzzle, logic, how do things fit together, what could be altered? And my life and play with the boys I guess is reflective of this; we cook, decorate cupcakes/pizza/cookies, we do train sets, and blocks, we walk to a place to eat, we eat on time.

DH is a just play guy. He hangs with the boys and plays, or watches videos. I do not watch videos if I can help it, which means I'm trying to keep the boys busy with some task that I'll have to clean up later. On vacation I'm good with the lets just hang time, but at home I see too much to do.

Also the Street environment is bad, market swings of 300-600 points, and everyone worried about the job, mortgage, school payments, etc. Yeah, I worry about the same stuff, but I feel a bit trapped as I started taking care of those around me and now I need to fund them until they can fund themselves. I think knowing that I can't change my job because of the turmoil it would cause my family, has taken some of the fun out of the job. Also, I don't think my creative endeavours could support the family unless we moved out of the city.

Also DH is on a diet that has eliminated cooking, DS1's school want to curb the cookies for a couple weeks, so there is only work (already discussed) and working. While I like getting stronger, every time I walk in the gym I also realize I am no size 6. I need something to sink my teeth into, and just haven't found it. Of course I'll be back at the train set and blocks tonight.

Oh, the new arts and craft store, turned out to be a ceramic shop. Bummer.