Pajamas to college

When the kids are doing something that drives me nuts, I remind myself, "they will grow out of it before they get to college". Frankly, its a technique I picked up from my favorite parenting book, Dr. Spock. And, yes, as I tell my husband, I know he's dead (Dr. Spock that is)!

So this morning, as I was making breakfast, the sitter decided my little man should not go to his gym class in his pajamas. Of course I had let him wear his beloved pajamas all of the early morning. He threw a FIT. He ran into the kitchen naked, clutching his pajamas, with tears streaming down his face. I told the sitter, "I really don't mind if he goes to gym class in his pajamas, just throw a coat on him. This is not a worthy battle."

She gave me a variation of the evil eye that you can use when your boss is in the room and can see you. Clearly I was breaking, "I have the cleanest charge in tow code". DS1 was helping mix the eggs and he heard me say, "No worries, I'm sure he'll grow out of it before he goes to college." Then DS1 asked, "mommie, why are you still in your pajamas if the rest of us are dressed?"

There is no good answer to that. Sometimes it is hard to work from home. The joy is I do my morning email and news checks in the comfort of my pajamas, with a cup of tea in hand. However, I tend to easily get wrapped up in working and it is not uncommon for me to still be in my pajamas when the boys come in for lunch. I like to eat lunch with the boys, so I'm not going to use that time to shower! Then its a real personal debate, if I'm going to the gym in the late afternoon, there is no reason to shower now. But if not, yes, I'm showering after lunch on most days.

Yeah, it feels a bit lazy, but it really is a good use of my morning time; jumping straight into the work while I'm the most alert. And the after lunch shower helps block out the after lunch sugar low. But am I really setting a good example? I have to think on this one. And yeah, when I was in college, I showered every morning.

Cooking, Cocktails, and Conserving $

So I've been tyring to control bills around the house. Duh, we are in a tough economic environment and I'm starting two businesses, conserving bucks makes sense. Well, I noticed something: if I plan a week's worth of meals, we save money and eat well. If I try to cook with what is hanging out in the kitchen, because I forgot to plan or just didn't have time, we eat odd stuff, which gets even odder if I drink while cooking.

For example: If I plan ahead, I'll find two nights for each basic ingredient so I can buy the larger/cheaper size. Furthermore here is no meal-prep related stress because I have a good idea of what I'm going to cook. However, if I walk into the kitchen with nothing planned, I immediately find a cocktail or glass of wine is in order. Then I look at the cupboards/fridge/freezer.

Frankly, I'm not a picky eater. I will eat a lot of a single food item for a meal. But DH, he has higher standards, which causes the meal-prep related stress. Of course, he's not planning ahead or cooking, and has been yelled at for not doing either, so he doesn't complain. He will eat whatever I put in front of him. But I know when he likes it and he doesn't AND don't forget I'm a perfectionist (yes, I do know it, and no there is not a drug I can take to lose it), which makes me want him to like what we are eating.

The easiest solution is usually the freezer. Do I still have a soup/lasagna/etc. in there from cooking a BIG batch of something? No? then off to see what is in the fridge. I'll re-purpose left overs rather than have the food go bad. This lead to fritatas of egg, bacon, tomato, peppers and onion topped with slightly tangy sour cream and catchup the other night. And last week we had stir-fry veggies topped with left over chicken fingers. If I'm not motivated by what I find in the fridge, its off to the cupboard.

This is a NYC apartment, so my cupboards are mostly dishes and cooking tools, there just isn't much space. But last night we had a tuna melt sandwich; tuna, relish, fresh onion, two types of cheese (if you scrape off the mold and melt the cheese, no one but the cook knows the cheese is past its prime). The broiler works well for this and I can proudly report, that I managed not to set off our fire alarm.

If I'm really desperate, I do have a few "boxes" of stuff. I really prefer to cook from scratch. But I'm not beyond pancake mix and pancakes for dinner, or an Asian noodle mix with some sort of protein. (frankly, I view this as a multi-cultural version of hamburger helper). The boxed stuff I look at time after time and just want to throw it out. But the penny-pincher in me won't let it happen. So there are boxes of stuff for desperate times (did I tell you DH thought marshal law would come in affect late last year? Got to love the guy!).

The other correlation to cooking and drinking, is the more I move from being prepared toward the cupboard, the faster and more I drink. This impairs my cooking abilities, my tasting abilities, but also lesson my concerns about DH being disappointed by the meal (maybe there is a drug for perfectionism?). But yeah, neither of us would mind losing 20lbs so we are not suffering. In fact I think I'm going to go make that bag of "fartless chili" mix my mother gave me for Christmas about 10 years ago. I'll throw in chicken, artichoke hearts and truffle oil to offset the staleness. I bet we'll both end up farting all night.

Change of Circumstance

Introduction  -  I've been writing this post since Wednesday, when I was laid-off from my firm.  I wasn't sure when I'd be ready to post, but it turns out to be today.  The original thoughts are below.  Sorry, I know this is not about the kids, which is the topic I usually restrict myself to addressing, but this is a big change.

11/12/08, 3 pm 

So at 11 am this morning I was laid off at work.  The firm I've been working for is moving out of health care, and let go of about 60 people.  Some folks cried, others got really mad, I went to the gym.

I don't know, but it really doesn't feel like the worst thing ever.  I lost a job once when I didn't want to, that really rocked me.  I don't like the thought of being unemployed. I worry about those that depend on me, the boys, my family.  However, I also don't like about 49% of my job and I've been thinking for a while that Wall Street is broken.  So, what's next?  A good book, more gym time, and some serious soul searching. 

I'm 40, a bit too young to retire. But, finally old enough to be considered experienced, as in over 12 years on the Street.  I like to think so I really need something to do.  I'm not going to do anything rash yet.  In fact, I'm not even sure I'm going to let friends and family know yet. I guess that means I'll keep writing but publish this next week.  

11/12/08 - 9:30 pm 

So it occurs to me that I have been wanting to leave the Street for a few years.  I've been concerned about how I replace the income.  This is tantamount, as I am the family income.  But tonight I started wondering, how much of the income do I really need to replace?  I don't want to go back to my childhood of being aware of parental money stress, revolving bills, and strategic coupon clipping. But it wasn't that bad.  But its also not like our net wealth went to zero.  Just the income went to zero.  How long could we last on what we have?  We have a vacation planned in two weeks, which is already paid for, should I cancel it?  

The severance pay is in question, the number quoted to me today was not the contracted amount.  I'm not sweating it yet, I'll wait for the paper work to arrive.  

A couple months after I returned to work after giving birth to DS1, I received a "big" promotion to research department head.  This turned out to be a roll I really didn't want. I learned a lot, enjoyed it for awhile.   But I recognized it didn't hold my future. To get out of it, I had to switch firms.  Now just two months after returning post adding DS2 to our lives, I get the boot.  Somehow I just believe this change is going to work out better.

11/13/08  10:48 pm

Today I started telling people.  Some casual acquaintances, my best friends, my family (not DH, he heard from me within 5 minutes of the news).  Lots of people are rather worried for me, for my family.  Some even cried when I told them.  I think some of the emotion is due to more the general pent-up of emotions that surrounds everyone involved with the Street.  Some are amazingly empathetic.  

Today I had two appointments that were made weeks ago.  The first was frivolous, I enjoyed it.  The other with a health care company that didn't know my change of circumstance.  They were really supportive, and so has been everyone else in the health care industry with whom I've chatted.  Doors are opening, but I really need to think about the opportunity I've been given to leave the Street.  To redefine how I live my daily life.  Tonight, I'm rather excited about my non-Wall Street opportunities.  

The more I think about the Street, the more I realize I really don't want to go back.  I could give you a dissertation, but mutual funds haven't sent out their year end statements yet.  When people see that their funds, even if the fund is out performing the market, most are still losing money, investors will want their money out of the funds, the redemptions will come in.  As the funds pull money from the market, the market will get hit; small cap more than large cap, but all of it.  Then there will be a lack of confidence by new investors.  I really think we are continuing on a down cycle through Feb 2009, but I also don't currently see the catalyst for improvement in 2009.  Basically, I think 2010 looks better.  So if I only liked 49% of the job and I believe the environment is bad, there is little motivation to look for a near term future on the Street.

I'm sure it will take time to get my strategic health care consulting up and running, I'm sure it will take more time to get this little toy company I've started up and running.  I'm sure there will be other opportunities to consider over time.  I'm sure there will be delays and disappointments along the way,  but I've never been so excited about giving these new venture a go.  

Goodbye suits, or associated guilt for not wearing the suit daily (yeah, I sweated that as I moved into coordinates).  Goodbye 9 to 5, or in my old world the 6:30 am to 9 pm, or more recent times 7:30 am to 5 pm.  Hello to the craziness I shall now try to embrace by seeking entrepreneurial, flexible, but cash generating work.  And,  I'm not afraid of the hours if the drive is there, but I want to see the boys; that wasn't a consideration 5 years ago when I made the first big shift from massively large Wall Street firm to smaller firm.  

Hello to breakfast with the boys, and occasional lunch dates with friends.  Welcome back to passion for the task at hand.  Tonight I go to be excited about tomorrow.  And I'm concerned about trying not to set my future in stone.  And even trying not to set too many balls in motion during the holidays.  Starting to think, Hey 2009, I'm ready for you when you get here!

11/14/08 - 12:15 pm

This morning I played with DS2, as he was the first to wake, and then walked DS1 to preschool.  I went to they gym, went to Barnes & Nobles to buy a calendar book, and then came home to make a cup of tea.  Ouch, I could get used to this!  Again today the brain and spirit are running.  I've come up with a few concepts for my little toy company and have decided I'm probably going forward with a children's book as well.   I've come up with a group of people I would like to touch base with in the Health care industry.  I've embraced the concept of wearing jeans regularly!  I am happy.

Ode to Average

It's not like I want to set the bar low, but what is wrong with average?

Recently I've noticed everyone is striving to be exceptional, that's cool. Everyone is trying to give their kids the very best, that's cool. But when it comes to talking about life, admitting that you, or your spouse, or the kids, are not exceptional, its almost a crime.

I'm good at my job, I try to be exceptional, but not really. I know to be exceptional at my day job requires such a time commitment, that I wouldn't be a good mother or wife, or even happy person. I try to be a good mother, I would love to be exceptional at it, but reality is I'm still getting my arms around it all. And as I get one thing down, the kids mature so I'm behind again.

When it comes to the kids, I want them to be exceptional. But I also want them to be kids. DS1 is in preschool, but he still has trouble counting to five, he doesn't know his alphabet, and he doesn't know how to tie a bow. But you know what, he laughs when I make DS2's hair in a mohawk, he loves to have us read books, and loves cooking. He can break eggs, mix anything and even scoop ingredients into the bowl on his own. Yeah, I know how to brag, but exceptional? Nope, just wonderful and I love him.

DS2 is social, babbling constantly and now going to sleep on his own in a big boy bed! But still no real words, he still melts down/bites/hits when mad, and needs to be held when not in familiar territory. He's not exceptional, he's doing wonderful, is a good kid, And I love him.

So when my friends brag, I get jealous. Yes, there is a four year old in our crowd that is writing his name and can count to 20. Yes, there is a two year old in our crowd that challenges my vocabulary. Even the men are not immune to the competition; their game is the height and weight stats. All trying to be off the scale, "my kid is in the 105 percentile on height" but hey, this is one where exceptional can be scary.

But when I try not to compete, wow, its hard. I want the best for my kids, but this doesn't mean I want my kids to be the best, well at everything. And people/acquaintances generally don't want to hear your tale of woe, they want you to inspire them to do better. Just look at me. I'm into doing what I can, mostly what I enjoy and doing the best I can, but exceptional I am not. All my friends inspire me to do "something" better, which again clearly reminds me how not exceptional my talents are. But they are my friends, and they are the best at listening to me rant about the sudden disappearance of all things average. But hey, if I wasn't average, then how would everyone else know how to measure themselves?

Gym Time

In my youth, 18-25 years of age, I used to work out regularly. I rode my bike, ran, went to aerobic classes, lifted weights, generally, I had an active life style. On the weekends I also waited tables - just try telling me that isn't a work out! Somehow along with a real job, more mature friends, a move to NYC, marriage and children, I became a desk jockey (or read added about 20 pounds to my average weight).

With the two months off with the boys, running around all day, with twenty pounds of DS2 strapped to my chest, I felt like I was in the best shape I'd seen in many years. Now this doesn't mean in-shape, or anywhere near my ideal weight, but better than the bag of potatoes I was three months ago. The first day I came back to work, I went to the gym next door and joined. No questions asked, just signed up with my gym shoes in hand.

Aerobics have evolved. I don't think its just that I'm pathetically out of shape, it is actually harder now! The music totally sucks, and is played so loud that they must think I can't move unless I'm motivated to run from the sound of a jackhammer pounding through the speakers. But I enjoy moving about, often missing the "correct" step, but I'm generally smiling, and I notice the rest of the class is not. But, I like working out in a group, so I'll stick with it. I've even taken the kick boxing class, which was a lot of fun!

The clothing has changed - the thong is gone! I can work out in tights, shorts, T-shirt, jog bra, sweats, or whatever. There no longer seems to be a standard required uniform other than expensive trainers or running shoes. no leg warmers. Even a couple of the teachers have shown up in street clothes, well hip street clothes, to teach.

Maybe it is just my gym, but locker room etiquette has changed. Women cover up and slide their underthings on and off while wrapped with a towel and fully cover themselves on their way to and from the shower. Two things perplex me on this front. First 99.9% of the women at my gym are in fantastic shape and really should have no fears of not covering up. Second, the towels at my gym are too small to cover me up, so should I use two? I'm not huge, I'm just tall. So if the towel is around my chest, then my buns are showing. If around the waist, well you know. Also, I'm a mom. My body is not what it used to be. I'm no longer proud. I also don't really care who sees it (which still shocks DH when I take the garbage out to the hall in my undies and t-shirt, we live beside two older women and a gay man, none of them will care). I wish when I was 18 someone would have said, hey quit all that worrying about how you look, because this is as good as it gets, you just gain and get saggy from here!

I am also meeting with a personal trainer once a week. She is cool, but about 25 years old. Last session she told me she respected the moms that come in because moms can do anything. Then she gave me 20 more squats with a 15lb bar. Actually she is motivating, and she tells me some day I will be able to suck in my stomach to see a difference again. I'm hopeful, not convinced. But I do think I'll have better stamina if not stomach muscles.

I'm excited about getting in shape. I realize I'm not shooting for my ideal shape, but just great mommie shape. This means, being able to run around with the kids without getting totally winded. DH likes to take the bikes out on the weekend (we put the kids in a little trailer), and I like being able to keep up. I think the boys are great motivation for this. I think everyday they add greater perspective to my life. Everyday. And hey, I'm not losing time with them, just don't tell my employer that I'm now sneaking out for lunch three days a week! And yes, no photo for this post, maybe once I've been working out six months.