The microscope

The last couple days I've been thinking about how all my boys each on their own terms and timing hold me, my life, my actions, my choices up to microscopic inspection, hand me a mirror on my own actions or hold me captive as an observer without the ability to control an event. These are all scary, real thoughts/moments, but not necessarily good or bad, just life with kids.

As a microscope, I see the boys pointing out to me that it is the tiny things that matter not the big stuff. For example, the doctor is twenty minutes behind. The boys don't care, they need to have fun now. The big picture doesn't matter; the boys don't care that we are late, that they'll be hungry/tired by the time the doctor gets to us, nope, they just want me to focus on this tiny moment, be with them and command the ability to ignore the big picture. Yeah, it is ok to tear more paper off the roll for the examining table and to have paper ball fights. Yes, I can fold a boat. Yes, we can make a tent. Yes, we can have fun anywhere. Yes, I don't care if the doctor cares.

But there is also the microscope negatives, the melt down because I gave DS1 a pat on the head but not DS2, or DS2 got into the stroller before DS1. The raw frightening emotion that comes from the boys when a minor, but big in the microscope, indiscretion occurs. My recent favorite was the fight to see who could touch more of my body while they both sat on either side of me, but neither allowed on my lap, while we read a book.

Then there is the microscope on the road. At home, no toys on the dinner table. At a friends' house, their kids had toys at the table. My boys pointed it out that it was "breaking the rules" but then cried because they didn't have a toy at the table. Do I give in, do I not?

But the microscope is really in my head, my inspection of the every decision I make and try to understand;

• is it necessary - brushing teeth, yes; combing hair, no
• is it important - learning decent manners, yes; being able to read at 4, no
• is it appropriate - learning to share, at 4 yes, at 2 "forgetaboutit"
• is it safe - jumping on the couch, ok; jumping off chairs, no way
• is it a control issue - clothes, other than warmth, do I really care which shirt it is?
• is it time - DH wants DS1 to learn a musical instrument, I think its too early
• is it me - am I taking their hyper energy in getting bathed/dressed personally
  
• is it them - DS1 has to be dressed first, DS2 must not put on his hat till outside

Does any of this personal inspection of my life matter? That might be the big question, how much introspection and scrutiny of all these tiny decisions is helping us be a better family, create strong healthy boys, better contribution to the world? How much of this introspection is useless? I generally have a reason for most of my actions. I have a plan on how to raise the boys. I don't mind the microscope for the most part, I may do a better parenting job if I'm willing to examine my actions, but the outcome is a science experiment, not in my control.

Chinatown visit in San Fran

While in San Fran, I had a few hours off for which I planned a trip to Chinatown. It was just a couple blocks from my hotel. I had done my Internet searches for the main streets and the key points of interest. Overall I found the guide books kept tourist in the highly touristy areas and out of the daily life of San Fran’s Chinatown. There were only nick-knack shops and tacky expensive restaurants.

As I do when I'm out doing photo shoots of new locations, I started following a little old lady with shopping bags. I find the same old lady around the world; the skirt just below the knee in a shade of grey or black, flat back orthopedic shoes, baggy hose, sweater of a solid and dark color (even in the summer) and a body that is perfectly cylinder is shape.

While the main heart of San Fran Chinatown runs along two main streets, basic grid system, she, my unknowing tour guide, was veering into various alleys for little things; fruit one place, fish another. I ventured into a tiny shop, a small as my my kitchen, that was selling the red scrolls for Chinese New Year. There where hundreds and with many different Chinese characters. An older woman was tending the shop. I said "Ni Hou", she returned in generally clear English, “hello”.

I asked if all the scrolls were for Chinese New Year. She said yes and wanted to know if I wanted to bring good fortune and wealth in the New Year. Yes, please. But add happiness, health and love to the mix please. She went to work on identifying the best scrolls for me. A man who looked to be 500 years came in and they exchanged pleasantries in Mandarin and both started discussing the best scrolls. In the end, they thought I should add wealth to my message also. The old man, without speaking English, explained that the one in the middle must be hung in the diamond position, not square. And upside down would welcome the opportunities to me, but right side up was ok as well. The whole process took over 20 minutes. I braced myself and asked how much……$1.80.

American Express, I love your commercials, but; an experience to remember, care by others put into my future and attracting the right karma, joy in watching a thousand year old tradition, and getting to participate,……$1.80, paid in cash.

What's that?

So I was picking up around the living room after the boys had been rough housing with daddy, and I noticed something wicked on the floor and said, "Yuuuck". DH said, "Sorry that happened this morning, or yesterday morning, I meant to clean it up." I can't even tell what the stuff smeared on the floor is, it looks disgusting! And he left it there for maybe two days? What planet is he from?

There are differences in how we view the word, but it always amazes me what we view as important within house work/kid work.

• When the boys wake up, I like to change DS2 diaper immediately, DH can let him walk into a diaper that is so wet it is falling of for a good 30 minutes.
• DH doesn't like the garbage to get full in the bathroom, but really doesn't mind that him and the boys sometimes "sprinkle" on the floor.
• DH cleans the kitchen sink until it sparkles but leaves the stove top and fridge door a mess.
• DH will scrub a a pan till it sparkles, but lets things, really his requested things, rot in the fridge until I notice the last three strawberries are not being eaten because there is fuzz growing on them.
• He will give the boys a bath without soap, let them go to bed with dirty faces, but still checks on them to make sure they are covered by blankets.

It is not that he is bad and I am good, we are actually both good. Its just different things are important to us in child/house care. I make the boys clean up their toys, DH seems unable to do this, but he does like the house picked up.

I guess this is on my mind because I'm on the road this week trying drum up some business for my new consulting effort. I'm gone Sunday night until Friday night. What will I be coming home to? I'm sure our day sitter will help out, but the boys are her priority rather than the house.

So back to the scum on the floor, once wet the mystery was solved, it was an old banana.