How much does it cost?

This is another adoption hot button. Adoptive parents do not want to talk about the adoption cost. But guess what, IVF parents don’t want to talk about IVF costs. But guess what, bio parents don’t want to talk about the hospital and doctor pre-care costs. No parent wants to talk about educational costs. Frankly, it is rude to ask someone how much they paid for anything, a hat, a car, a house, let alone to expand their family.

Also, the idea of cost is bothersome to me. It is money we offered to reimburse expenses that were covered by someone else. Yes, it was expected, but with these cost covered, now by us, there is now more money available for that person/agency/orphanage to help another soul. The reimbursements include the medical, housing, feeding, care, and clothing bill for the child’s first months/years of life. In our case, our son was also given two operations in a hospital far from the orphanage. Someone paid the bill. I am happy to now reimburse.

The reason I believe this is such a hot button for adoptive parents is beyond the rudeness of the question, but the effect it has on the child listening. Unfortunately, the child is likely to hear it more than once. I’ve been asked about cost without my son present. I find it rude. But I know when I answer the question with my son present that how I choose to answer will have a very heavy weight in my child’s eye. I hope for the best, but down the road, if someone asks, I might say, “why do you ask?”. I might say, “not a penny too much for the wonderful care he received in his early years”. I might say “as we’ve passed the line of polite conversation I’ll take this opportunity to leave and let you think about proper social etiquette”. I might say, “FU” flip a finger, stick out my tongue and not walk away, but stand, and glare.