7/5/08 - The Three Year Old's View

Regarding what ds 1 knows/understands about the adoption of ds2 so far. When we first started the process, about 20 months ago, I think we told ds1. He had just turned 2 year olds. I’m not sure he cared much. However when we received the first referral photos, we told him he was gaining a brother and showed him the photos. They have been on the living room wall and we talk about it with each other and guest regularly. At this time he was about to turn 3 years old. Then in March, we got an updated photo and unlike the first summer shot with shaved hair, the updated photo was in the winter with ds2 having hair. At first ds1 was a bit confused and thought that maybe they were two different brothers he was getting. However, since then he realizes that both photos are of the same boy, gaining only one brother.

As things have become a bit more active lately, he has overheard many conversations about his brother. Not surprisingly, ds1 is also talking more and more about his brother coming. I have told him that we are leaving in 10 days. The questions are interesting. First it was necessary to explain that his friends have siblings. For example one of my girl friends has two kids and I said just like her ds1 has a younger brother ds2, we would be gaining ds2. At first he wanted her child. But I explained that my girlfriend wanted to keep him and we had to go get our guy in China, who needed a family. I've explained that China is far away, showed ds1 where we are and where China is on the map. I’m not sure he understands the distance, but likes the idea of a long airplane ride. His response was that ds2 would like airplanes as they give drinks and snacks.
I had a phone conversation with my father which I ended by saying, " I love you." ds1 had a melt down, "you don't love him, you love me". So we had to have a discussion that I love him, and dh, and my parents, and ds2. Again pointing to friends that have two children was helpful. Ds1 caught on quickly, he decided if some of his friends mommies have two kids than it would be ok for us two. Still not totally happy that I love my parents, but ok with the idea that we all need to love ds2.

But in the last 48 hours, ds1 has noticed the intensity of activity is picking up. today we picked out a stroller that seats two. He is very excited about it. also a bigger/jogger single stroller, as his is getting small and I've started a 10,000 steps a day program (basic exercise and a subject of a whole different blog). Tonight ds1 asked why is ds2 in China. I approached the topic that he was born there and some people are taking care of him, but we need to go get him. We still haven't covered the idea that babies are “born”. Still the question hasn't come up so we didn't touch on it. Then on the way home from a walk he had a complete melt down in that he wanted ds2 to be at our house in 5 minutes. Dh answered, “so does mommie”. However, there is no way for that to happen. Its cute but also gut wrenching.

Its a holiday weekend so we have more time than usual to discuss the pending changes, more time than usual to run into friends who ask and I happy to discuss developments. Ds1 gets it ds2 is coming along with a lot of changes, but I don't think he gets how big the change will be. Honestly I'm not sure dh and I know how great the changes will be. But BRING IT ON!!