"Mommy"

Photo comment - I see the mutual love in how they work together. IT is there; it is strong.

Tonight, a solid 30 minutes after lights out, our little man is still singing and talking. I went in and sang a quick version of "Wheels on the bus". I say quick as I only did as directed which is always first, "the wheels go round and round" followed by the "horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep", then "the babies on the bus go wa, wa, wa", followed by a new surprise, "the drivers on the bus say move to the back, move to the back, move to the back". Always happy to have a new request!

As I finished with "the mommies on the bus say time to sleep, time to sleep, the time to sleep", I got the usual request for more, with word and sign. It makes me happy that he still uses both signs and sound when he is really insistent and really wants to be understood. But as I was walking out to the usual request of "mama" switched to "mommy, MOMMY!"

While I couldn't be happier and would love to keep him up all night to show him how happy I am to finally hear "mommy", but I bit my tongue and I told him time to go back to sleep. But YEAH! I'll try to encourage more mommy going forward; hey its only been a little over nine months! Frankly mama is fine, but mommy is great.

DeJaVu

Photo: Another recent box creation that DH will be removing tonight. Only the boys could make it through the tunnel.

Sometimes I feel dejavu when seeing our little man revisit "stages" that our bigger boy has passed. The timing is off, sometimes he is well behind what I would expect for a almost three year old, but it makes sense given his family/orphanage history.

I forgot what it was like to try to cook, clean, walk, dance, etc with someone trying to stand on your feet or hold your knees together. DS2 has just learned to open the refrigerator door. So now exploration of "cold" has started including turning the fridge light on and off a thousand times until the buzzer to start sound. And yes, all glass items have moved to a hirer shelf in the fridge (a broken jar of relish looks pretty bizarre when mixed with mustard. It smells weird too. for about three days!)

Peek-a-boo is back in. It is more along the lines of "Where's my man?, Oh, THERE HE IS!!", to variations of "Where's the tissue? Oh, THERE IT IS!" and my personal favorite, "where is mommy's cell? Oh, THERE IT IS!, Now give it back." We are also starting to see the very beginning of hiding, like behind a door, box, wall, etc and jumping out and surprising me. Love that. Also along these lines, I think is the pretending to be asleep, and the great giggles as I wake him up.

Another favorite, is the I want to be like mommy routine. The sudden desire to try lip gloss, powder if I'm putting that on and the wearing of hear clips. This passed quickly with DS1 and I'm sure it will with DS2 as he has the older brother there to tell him "boys don't wear......" But I like seeing my boys in a necklace sporting lip gloss. Along these lines a funny thing happened a couple weeks ago at preschool. For two weeks, each day was assigned a color. Red, Blue, Green Yellow, Black, White, Brown, Orange, Pink and Rainbow. Each day I dressed DS1 in the appropriate color. But on Pink day, he had nothing. I tried to talk him into taking along one of my sweaters and just rolling up the sleeves, but no. Then my husband who takes him to school in the morning reported back that Pink day did not go as well as the others, none of the boys were wearing pink.

Last but least, I'm back to "The wheels on the bus" forty times a day. It is good as I think he likes it because he is finally able to say, or closely say, some of the words. He loves the horn goes "beep, beep, beep" but there is fondness for the babies go "wa, wa, wa" and the windows, "up and down" and the doors "open and close". However on this one, the older boy is clearly passed this stage so sometimes he suggests new actions, such as "the bears on the bus go Ra, Ra, Ra" or the "the wings on the bus take it high, high, high". Yeah, not sure where the imagination comes from, but I love to run with it.

Generally, it is heart warming to see the "repeats", to see the path again. It means he is on it, he is moving forward, he is taking strides everyday. I don't see the daily strides, I'm too close. I worry so much about his lack of language. But I see these steps toward growth, the path I'm more familiar with and I get a bit calmer, I know more growth is coming. He's on his path!

Up and Down, Up and Down

I guess it is just the cycle of life that it is difficult to stay on top all the time.

DS1 had another asthma attack and I'm sick again. DS1 is actually over the asthma attack and left today with his daddy for a ski week in Vermont. DS2 and I are at home looking at each other. Maybe tomorrow I'll take him to the doctor with me, for a "fun" trip, we'll see how I feel when I wake up.

Life is good, just crazy and I think that is why I caught another head cold. But on we go. This week there was a big conference in NYC for pharmaceutical companies so I was crazy busy trying to get out and about to meet with potential clients, and yes I did get a job or two which I know need to write proposals for. I feel enthused about the consulting business.

DS1 had a asthma attack, which when I can't control it just rips my heart out. I knew it was coming from a funny sound in his cough. I took him straight to the doctor. She said his chest was clear, no wheezing at all, but told me how to treat it. By 7 pm that night you could hear him wheezing from across the room. He missed 2 days of school, but then came roaring back to a good level.

Finally, the tough one, I made the decision that DH and DS1 should go on the ski trip I booked about nine months ago. I really felt like with just launching my business I couldn't go right now. If I was staying home, it made sense for DS2 to stay home too as he is too young to ski. Then one of my clients asked me to go down to North Carolina for a meeting and just spend one night, so now I have my parents coming up in two days to take care of DS2.

So life is hectic. I'm just putting a happy face on and getting on with it. I've missed writing, but I did manage to get the boys down to Chinatown for Chinese New Year's last day, Valentines cards made for DS2's preschool, and a bit of work happening. So I'm going to be early tonight, but I hope to catch up on my writing thoughts over the next few days.

Angela

Snow day

Today was a snow day in the city. Even as I write tonight, it is snowing again. The boys were generally in good spirits today, but it is hard for them to be inside so much. It is hard for me to get them in and out off snow suits too much.

This morning we cooked in breakfast, well, DH decided he was going to cook. He started pulling out supplies, asking me where various things were, and the boys rushed the kitchen to cook. DH announced, "everyone out of the kitchen!" Like that was going to happen.

With the step ladder out, I helped the boys on with their aprons and set them up to do things DH needed for his omelet making. One obvious task was breaking eggs and DS2 showed us that he has been watching. He held the bowl in one and cracked the egg on the opposite rim of the bowl. But, then he crushed the egg in his hand once it was cracked. I tried to tell/explain/show him not to crush, but three eggs later he still had not digested the message. DS2 then demonstrated. But I honestly think the crushing action will take a bit of time to correct.

DS1 is taking swim lessons, and the place where he takes his lesson has family swim on Sundays. We all headed to the pool today. DS2 really hasn't been in a pool since China. He was intrigued and wants to follow DS1 anywhere and everywhere. However, he was a bit intimidated by the pool at first. He clung to me for the first 10 minutes. But as he looked around and saw everyone playing, and no fellow clingers, and he acquiesced into really having fun.

DS1 is swimming a good 10 feet now; as far as one breath will take him, as he hasn't figured out the breathing part. DS1 would float on his back, which he does well with no support, and DS2 would want to try. DS1 would swim and DS2 would reach out ready to try. I love the bravado, maybe that is not the right thought, but at least the inspiration that watching DS1 brings to DS2.

There was an Asian woman there swimming laps when we first arrived. She stopped and watched me with DS2 for quite some time. I was tempted to try and chat with her, but I didn't. Trying to have an informal chat quietly is impossible in a public pool with a child splashing in your arms. I don't know what she thought or why she chose to watch. I'm going to assume it was because I look so awesome in my swim suit and DS2 and I's skin color matches so well. It is not often that I feel like we are drawing any significant attention beyond what cute kids draw, but there was a story in this woman's look. A story that I don't know.

And one more new step for DS2 today, he really enjoyed taking a shower with me after the swim. So far he has been content to watch me shower. He does love the bathtub. He also has had a shower or two with either DH or I holding him, but he till now has been very reluctant (screaming) that we do not put him down in the shower. Today, he was willing to let my body block the water and reach around me to touch it. I was surprised, but when I turned it off, he asked for it back on.

These are all simple things, breaking (really crushing) an egg, stepping up to the pool challenge and accepting a shower. But his willingness to try has improved. He didn't even have to be cajoled from screaming and tears to participation. He needed slight cajoling on the pool, but there were no tears involved. I'm amazed at the progress. So often I feel like the progress is minimal, but then there is a day like today where I wonder how long this child has been waiting to reveal himself. We are getting there.

Back from the Dead - part 2

Ok, so the meal out was nice, but I wasn't able to eat a thing and continued to feel worse for the next few following days.  When I woke up on Wednesday with my head on fire, my jaw almost swollen shut, I thought, ok, enough toughing it out, off to the doctor.

Just going to the doctor made me feel better.  Actually the nurse practitioner, which I totally like and respect.  However, the sinus infection was so bad that it was now compromising the nerves in my jaw, and was not as enthusiastic as I about getting well.  I started on an antibiotic, not a penicillin, but had an allergic reaction/side effect anyway, that meant back to the doctor today.  

I'm allergic to penicillin.  This is a new thing that just started in the last couple years.  There are a variety of things that will now start a "rash" reaction for me; cleaning shrimp to cook, bug/mosquito sprays, and penicillin.  

I was in tremendous pain (head/jaw) which I self treated with Vicadin, before making back to the NP.  When I told her, she told me, "it always good to have a little vicadin around the house", which I thought made her very enlightened.  Also in addition to my usual rash had extreme anxiety.  It felt like had drank a whole case of soda and was all revved up, but without actually having the energy to do anything.  Yep, it proved true, my blood pressure had risen by 25 points!  So on to a very old antibiotic today; one I've taken historically, which is the size of a horse pill. I'm not anxious, but my jaw aches.  I've finally been able to eat a "full" meal.  Maybe by Monday I'll be writing again.

The topics I've missed, that I want to write on are:

The holidays and generosity

The updates on the first week of DS2's therapy,

Prep for surgery on Tuesday, including insurance,

the goal of more love and kindness in 2009,

Dealing with expectations of greatness.

Thing One and Thing Two Update - part 1

Last week within the hour of losing my job, DS2 received his State appointed Early Intervention Assessment.  Yesterday, I attended DS1’s first preschool parent/teacher conference.  So what order to present?

Today that was an issue, what order, how to juggle two, as I had DS1 sick on the couch and DS2 screaming, literally screaming for attention as I was trying to see if DS1 needed the bucket for throwing up.  I do love them both, but they both make it hard some times.  And reasoning with either child, yes they are both under the age of four, is next to impossible.  Then they both surprise me and make me think I’m the asshole in the equation.  Yeah, mommie guilt.

So, Thing One.

On Sunday this last week we went to a birthday party for one of his friends.  It was at a ceramic/arts craft place.  A pretty cool party over all.  What amazed me was his ability to follow instructions, wait patiently and participate.  I would estimate that six month ago I was worried that he seemed to only learn by watching, but now he could clearly listen and follow instructions.  He is still a suck-up; totally sits near the leader/teacher of the activities.  Or maybe he's used to this due to how we work in the kitchen together. But what surprised me was his participation.  He used to watch everything and do only 30-50% of the activities.  But he was with it all, 100%.  Even at the dance time, he was totally busting moves I’d never seen before.  I will post the video as soon as I figure out how to do that.  There was even a game, which he didn’t seem particularly into, but he did it anyway.

Then at the parent/teacher meeting the teachers confirmed my suspicions, the kid is growing up.  He is helpful in the class, nice to his friends and all the other kids as well.  He is now participating in activities, which at the beginning of the school year he wasn’t.  He rotates through all the class activities and doesn’t seem to avoid anything.  He is showing a good attention span.  Most important to DH, he is now counting to 5, without skipping four.

Here’s the amazing part, his teacher brought up that in the infamous “theater movement” class and music time, he is showing a lot of new moves that have really surprised them.  Well, that’s two of us! DH thinks its the Latin blood showing. He dresses himself – i.e., puts his jacket for terrace time, and buttons his pants after going “pee”.  These last items are great, but why then does he insist I do it at home?  Also you don’t know it until you are there, but just because the kid can poop in the potty doesn’t mean you are off the hook.  I have no idea for how long I’ll be wiping for him.

In NYC there is a lot of peer pressure to start kids in pre-school at age 2.  However, I chose to wait until he was 3.  Not that he was sitting at home doing nothing; the kid has a bigger social life than I ever have with ballet and Spanish classes.  But today, waiting until he was 3 to start the formal everyday school, feels like a good choice.

On the downside, DH thinks that I’m taking out all my frustration on the boys and asking too much from them, but DS1 particularly.  The weird part is, that I know I ask a lot from the boys, but I think I’m asking a ridiculous amount from DS2 more than DS1.  Maybe it’s the second time around guilt?  I feel guilty that the second child gets less attention, which makes me expect more from both so we can have more time doing fun things rather than routine activities.  Maybe I’m missing the point, the boys like doing the routine stuff, its only me feeling like it should be more.  Also the boys are so young that they will not actually remember any of our activities, so why do I try so hard.  But I can’t wait until they are older to have fun.  Yeah, mommie guilt is always there.  And frankly the boys do step up to almost every challenge I throw their  way.  Also, the really have DH wrapped around their little pinkies.

To be continued.

 

Elections - late but thoughts won't go away.

OK, for ages I've thought about writing about the elections. First, I was going to write to tell everyone to vote. But, I didn't want to say who to vote for, I just think its good to participate. But, I didn't know how to write my thoughts without offending anyone.

Then I wanted to say, "YEAH!" I'm so relieved. But again I didn't want to offend anyone.

I mentioned it do DH and his usual response to my comments about the blog arose. First, "you still writing that?" Then, "well, what does that have to do with adoption?" and finally, "Why do you care if you offend anyone?". Got to love this man.

Well, I thought about it and I can't let it go. Here's the background. I am Puerto Rican. My beautiful blond-haired blue-eyed olive-skinned son knows how to say all his animals in Spanish. My beautiful jet black-haired, black-eyed, dark-skinned son, will always stand out as not the all-American look. My once-blond, now graying- haired, blue-eyed WASPy husband is becoming a minority! That makes my heart sing. I am also a semi-senior woman on Wall Street - that may qualify me as a greater minority than any thing else!

I tell my husband during a variety of "social issue" fights, he likes to call them discussions, that he'll never know what it is like to walk down the street as a woman. I understand the odd feeling of walking around a foreign country and standing out as different. I also know what it is like in Italy and Spain where I can blend, although I don't belong. And I never forget who I am; I seldom think I fit in. Hey in Idaho, where I grew up, there were no other Puerto Ricans. Now that I'm surrounded by them in New York, I am not one of them, as I lack the language and the urban experience. These are not regrets, not at all, just the facts.

One of my sons is going to walk around and realize few look like him. Frankly, I think both of them will notice this fact. Do we really want to live in a society where the majority of people believe that only white men can achieve the highest office (be it the White House or the corner office)? Do I want to live in a society where we say anyone can achieve anything, but it hasn't occurred yet? I think the empowerment of people, whatever their color, is a good thing for society as a whole. Obama offers that! Even the Latinos around me now say, hey, if a Black man can do it, then watch out as the Latinos move in.

I am not a proud American. I seldom claim to be an American. I've traveled around the world, I know what a fabulous place the US is - do you realize that less than 10% of Americans actually have a passport! I know how horrible the situation is elsewhere and I chose to stay in the US (at least for now. But, I have not been proud to claim participation in this country. I've been horrified by our international policies, and even more horrified by our domestic policies. Do you realize it is still on the books that Asian are not allowed to own land in certain states/counties - left over from the depression/immigration scares, but still on the books. I'm also saddened that the Gay Marriage votes were so opposed. Marriage is a huge commitment that is really hard and sucks in many ways, (yes, I'm happily married), yest we are willing to let immature teenagers do it but not adults in a committed relationship?

But, right now I couldn't be happier. Maybe for a while I'll be proud of my fellow Americans. Not for "overcoming prejudice" but for realizing we are in a mess, we need change and we need it now. If having a Black man in office makes people more aware of prejudice, not just the need for change, well, its a good thing!

So, Thank you for voting. I don't care who you voted for (my guy won, so no hard feelings), but you cared enough to participate, that is awesome, that is what America needs, so let's keep participating! Let's go for change. We have to offer our children something to work with, not a disaster to fix. So yeah, its about the kids! I created one citizen and sponsored a new citizen this year, and we owe them better.

The Evolution of Siblings

There has been a seismic shift in our household in the last two weeks.  I've almost been afraid to write about it but, today I'll share.

About two weeks ago DS2 finally figured out it is better to hand out in bed with DS1 then to have to go to bed in our room by himself.  The first time, I had put him to bed with DS1, but as usual he came walking out.  I told him, "Hey, you really want to sleep by yourself? You'll be alone, you'll cry and we'll all be sad."  He shook his head at me and then turned and walked back into the bedroom with DS1.  

Then he slept through the night.  

Since then, he goes in for the bedtime story, then lays down and hangs out till he falls asleep.   DS1 tends to fall asleep with in 10-15 minutes.  DS2 hangs out, pretty quietly, chills, doesn't get out of bed, but may not go to sleep for 25-30 minutes.  

This shift, took so much stress out of our lives.  First, I could let go of the guilt associated with making him cry until he fell asleep.  Then DS1 shifted his thoughts.  Some how DS2 moved from "pet" status, which included all sorts of comments to me, along the lines of, "what is my brother doing?", "what does my brother want", and "my brother doesn't like his cookies, can I eat them".  To "sibling" status. I first noticed it a couple nights ago in the bathtub.  I was giving the boys shaving foam with which to wash.   DS2 rubbed it on DS1's back, and DS1 asked, what is that.  I told him, he didn't mind and let DS2 continue.  After a few minutes, DS1 put cream on DS2.  True interaction.  The next night I came home from work and they were pretending to be in a boat together, with DS1 shouting instructions - i.e., lean this way, that way, row.  DS2 shouting back.  Then last night they were watching the 15 minutes of video before bedtime story.  DS2 had wandered down the couch and DS1 said, "hey, DS2 move down here so you can see  better".  

I know these examples may not seem like much, but it is so tangible.  It has changed how we all function.  There is a new understanding between them.  Even without DS2 speaking.  There is less tension at bed time, and this is huge for DH as well. I'm worried about his lack of speech, DS2 that is, and he continues to impress me with his maturity.  

Photo note: thought you'd like this one of our bike ride last weekend when both boys fell asleep in the wagon.  It's not happened before.  Usually they stay awake chatting and looking at stuff,  But this time we wore them out.