idiotic; sometimes.

Recently I’ve noticed I’m kind of an idiot. It amuses me, slightly alarms me, but I think it is a fair observation. Let me expand.

I know how to pack a suitcase. And I happen to believe I’m a really good packer. Accordingly I spend entirely too much time making sure everything is properly aligned and fits. My husband and a few friends have even commented on my ability to get everything in a small space. They say watching me unpack is like watching the clowns exit the car at the circus. I say, “ I’m good with special issues, I can make it all fit.” In inspection I realize being compared to a circus act may not really be a compliment.

The dark side of being a good packer is that the more you can fit in a single bag, the heavier the bag becomes. Yes, I carry some really heavy bags. I kind of view it as a work out program, like a small physical challenge. I know packing heavy bags with "I can carry it" attitude doesn’t sound like all that bad. It really becomes concerning when you marry it to my number one personality flaw, fierce determination to do it all myself. Not just independence, but a “get the @#$*#(@! out of my way” attitude.

This is the scenario that got me thinking: the cab drops me off 10 yards from the airline out door check in. I have two huge, I mean big enough to hide a few small children, suitcases that hold my trade show kit. I also have one surprisingly heavy little carry on bag. The taxi driver grunts as he lifts the carry on bag out of the trunk. Then he suspiciously eyes the big bags. Of course, my personality flaws kick in and I pick up and move the two big bags and then tip the guy anyway (note another flaw; gluttonous tipping).

I stack the little bag on the smaller of the two bags and drag all three bags toward the check in desk. Note, there is a crack in the side walk 10 feet from the desk. I hit it. Top bag tries to fly. I catch it all as the baggage guy walks over to help me. I say no worries I got it all and wave him off. I walk five more feet to the desk. He looks at me and says, “Now you have to let me help you whether you want it or not.”

Light bulb. I’m an idiot. No doubt my bags are heavy, I weighed them before leaving the room (yes, this means I carry a luggage scale with me when I travel) they are just under the top acceptance level of 70 lbs each. And I have three bags which are hard for me to manage on my own. What am I thinking, combined they do weigh more than me. Yet, damn it, I’m going to do it all! I’m going to do it all by myself. I’m an idiot.

I forget that I can smile and ask for help. I can tip anyone who helps. I don’t need to be embarrassed by the size of my bags… I know its not all clothes and shoes. Furthermore the people, these random strangers who’s opinion I’m worried about, will never see me again. Bottom line, I need perspective. I need to quit being an idiot.