Asian Centric

I'm curious when I won't feel funny about being with DS2, or even both boys together, in front of Asians (or should I say Asian looking souls?)? At least when I have both boys with me, well frankly, even if I'm with only one of them, in NYC I look more like the nanny than the mommie; Neither child actually looks like me.

Most all my interactions in the public domain with the boys and the local Asian community have been totally positive. However, I always feel a bit funny, like I should explain why he is with me (although I never do). I wonder if they think well or poorly of our situation, although I never asks; but sometimes I get unsolicited positive feed back. And I just don't know why I feel weird about it. Trying to come up with a similar idea to share the feeling, its kind of like when you go out dressed in the costume of another culture without explanation. People either think you are eccentric, which I might be, or off to a costume party. People in NYC as diverse as they are, just aren't accustomed to lieder hosen or mexican sombreros on an ordinary day.

Sometimes people ask where is he from, which I can answer, Jiangxi provence in South East China. But then they'll ask "does he know or speak Chinese?" He still seems to understand Mandarin when spoken to him, but doesn't say any Mandarin words now. They'll ask if I'm learning Mandarin, or if he's taking lessons. That always hurts. I'd love to, but no time; give me a break I work full time, have two toddlers and like to spend time with them, not just run them to classes. I'd love to have him learn Mandarin but, we'd like to get the english down first. And yes I'm broken hearted that I'm not totally fluent in Spanish, so I know what it means not to have him in classes now. Also DS1 and I study Spanish, so should DS2 as well? What can I say they are both NYers, so they will "hear" it all.

I sometimes fear the Asian person in question will think I'm not doing enough as a mom, or not taking care of him appropriately. Not teaching him enough about his first culture, only his second. I wonder how I'll tackle the whole you were available to join us because of political and social pressures in your home country that weren't as pervasive here. What intrigues me is that everyday he looks a bit less Chinese to me, just more like my kid. Also I'm becoming less concerned with the size and shape of his head; he'll grow into it, he is growing into it.

But I know I am becoming more comfortable with the obviousness of our relationship. This weekend I was chatting with a lady at the play ground and she asked which were my boys. I said, "The blonde one with the bucket and the Chinese kid next to him". Maybe I was too blunt, because she didn't ask any questions.