Race Awareness

I've drafted this entry a few times and never come up with a complete group of thoughts that make sense. However two things happened today that made me want to revisit the topic; a comment from DS2 and an article on Michelle Obama.

First, the boys and I were watching their night time before bed cartoon, and it showed fireworks. It wasn't the first time DS2 saw fireworks, but it was the first time he saw them represented in a cartoon, so he asked what they were. I, "they are fireworks, they were made from gun powder and other things, they were invented by the Chinese. Do you know anyone Chinese?" DS2 looked at me and shook his head no. I pointed at DS1 and DS2 blurted out, "DS2 invented fireworks?" Not the connection I was totally shooting for, but it was funny that DS2 doesn't see DS1 as Chinese.

Second, I was reading an article on Michelle Obama which cited a comment she made along the lines of she didn't really feel Black until she went to college. The point was, she grew up surrounded by Blacks, and not in a white neighborhood, so race was in the back ground, not in the forefront, and she didn't really feel the impact of being "seen" as Black on a day in-day out basis until college.

I like visiting Chinatown in NYC. It is a little off the grid system, a little off the grid. There are streets that twist and turn and suddenly end. The region blends into other parts of the city, like little Italy and city hall. The temples are open and easy to spot. The restaurants are plentiful and the fruits and veggies always fresh. In NYC, there are people who live in Chinatown, that never leave it and never learn English. But, that doesn’t keep the gringos out. We still wander in. And generally I find people friendly even though it is obvious I may be viewing them a bit like I view a museum or zoo. They view me shopping in their stores, either with or without the boys and also view me a bit like I walked in from the wilderness and I'm different. But I never really feel uncomfortable. We are on equal ground, in that we both know I'm the intruder but I'm there because of something great; food, atmosphere, product, etc.

I don’t feel as comfortable in Harlem or Spanish Harlem. I feel like the relationship is not as authentic. And on occasion I do have the opportunity to wander through these hoods as well. There are shops I like and things I wish to see. However, while life may be as economically challenged as Chinatown, as ethnically alone and not integrated, I find the atmosphere is less friendly. In Spanish Harlem I blend. But I feel like an impostor. I look the role, but I don't share the same common experience (there are few Puerto Ricans raised in Idaho) and my biggest personal disappointment I don't really share the language. My appearance is a cover that I feel is insincere.

In Harlem, I don’t blend. I feel it is a more hostile environment. There are frankly less reasons for me to be there as Harlem is not known for being friendly. I am completely aware that I am in the minority there. But there I feel like I'm more likely to be viewed as white, as I'm light skinned, but I'm uncomfortable with that. In my mind, I am Hispanic/Latina. In both Harlem's, I stay alert and head where I'm going and don't wander into too many of the shops.

I don’t know where this entry really wants to go, but I'd like to note that I love living in a city where I can feel like and insider and jump on the train and then feel like an outsider. And maybe I feel both because of my own historical context. Which is where the mind starts to wander.... in which neighborhoods will my boys feel like insiders and where will they feel like outsiders? Could I change that perception if we spent more time out and about the city?

I think it is also good to be able to visit one another on each cultures' own turf. Books are great, but seeing is believing. There is something to be said for the sight, sound, smell and electricity of a location. In books it is interpreted by others, in a visit it is interpreted by you, but colored by your experience and your historical context. On visit with multiple people on the trip will be remembered and processed in a multitude of ways.

It is amazing how many cultures live together in NYC without being able to speak to one another, off the top of my head I can think of at least 5-6 different cultures I like to visit on occasion; Chinatown, Little Italy, Korean Town, Indian, Spanish Harlem, Brighton Beach (Russian), let alone those cultures between like lower west or lower east side. I hate that we segregate and don’t visit one another more often. But I also love that we segregate and maintain the individual cultures. Without the cultural distinctions, would I want to visit/learn?

Is this about the boys. Yeah, I’m willing to drag them anywhere. They pick up the vibe and get as involved as a situation allows them. It is fun to see DS1 introduce his brother to the Chinese clerks as " this is my brother but he doesn't talk much yet". It is interesting that both boys hold tight to my hand in some neighborhoods. It is funny that DS1 and DS2 understand Spanish but presume those around us speaking it don't understand English. I like the look of surprise on their faces when the person switches languages and addresses them.

I don’t like when people pay too much attention to the boys due to the color of their skin. I don’t know what people think when they see us running around. And to the white men of the world, you should know the guys that give us a seat on the bus or the subway are always the men of color. But hey, its good to start to address the multiplicity of this crazy world together. I hope the world keeps changing. I hope I will feel more comfortable being a minority in more places. I hope the boys never stop exploring. And yeah, no matter what our neighborhood, our office, our community, we need to continue to mix it up. But I will wonder for years, and I'm not sure I'll ever know the answers; will the boys blend/fit anywhere, where will they not, and will they actually care?