Foster Care

I've said this before, I will say it again, but there are so many things we will never know about DS2's history. Today I received unexpected, unsought news that is mind blowing. DS2 was in foster care for some time before joining us.

I had written to the yahoo group of DS2's orphanage in search of another little boy that was DS2' roommate. I have photos and wanted to share them with the other mom. I was not sure how long they had been roommates, but they look cute together in their matching dresses (yes, we need to donate more boy clothes). In the email I also used DS2's Chinese name and adoption timing.

This morning unexpectedly, another woman wrote to the sight that she knew the mom, but she also though my son had been in foster care. I contacted one of the coordinators of the foster care program, and yes, DS2 was in foster care. I don't have the details, but a few reports from that time are now on their way to me. I'm hoping there are a few photos as well. I so far have an idea of when he went to live with the foster family, but not of when he came back to the orphanage to join us. It is common for the families to return the children a couple weeks before the adoptive parents come to pick up. It could have been as long as seven months.

Wow! This might explain the real mourning that occurred when he joined us. This might explain why he attached to our family quickly (although me first and for most). It might explain why he doesn't like it when we all put our coats on and he has to be assured he is coming with us.
Also, there is a family out there that may have had him in their lives longer than we have so far; wild.

The emotions are complex. DH is pissed. He can't believe the Chinese adoption authorities told us nothing about this. I am amazed our adoption agency new nothing about this. I am glad he had time outside of the orphanage. But it also is a hole in the information they provided us that is glaring. Was he well cared for? I assume they took the best care of him they could, but he was skinny when we got him and in the midst of a bizarre viral infection. Was he loved? We'll never know.

He is a bright, loving child that has a stubbornness and opinion all his own. These are his traits and everything he has experienced till now has assisted in shaping him. So yes, if there is more to learn about the early years, I want to learn it. But my frustration is the same, that the two years of precious time before he joined us is time which I have no control over what occurred, no understanding of circumstance, and will never really have the full information. I look forward to learning more next week. I need to start building a scrap book for him and put all the information in time frame so he has it if he wants it. I have no idea what this information will mean to him in time. Or what it will mean to me.

Sometimes the emotions are so much more complex then the words I have at my disposal to express them. Let alone actually knowing/labeling how I feel.