Super Nanny to the rescue

Among the things that DH and I disagree about, it is what is an enjoyable TV show. I happen to like Supper Nanny, he thinks it is pathetic. There is some delicious aspect of knowing I have a few parenting skills a bit more in shape than a another person on the planet, there is some delicious aspect of seeing someone else making all your same mistakes, but most of all there is joy is seeing a possible solution to a problem.

DS1 is a really good kid, but having a new brother has brought a bit of stress to us all. I think he needs more attention for the good and bad behavior. Also, now with two I'm less tolerant of daily irritants. One of Supper Nanny's tools is that she makes charts of what kids should be doing and then sticks with it and tracks them. It always works on the show. DH thinks it is the most stupid idea ever.

First I just made a list of things; being nice = no hitting, no kicking, etc. At the end of the day I would draw a star if DS1 achieved the goal. It worked, he liked the stars. But I didn't follow though with it every night. We both got bored. But then after a week of whining and not sharing that well, and another episode of Supper Nanny, I decided to plunge in whole hog and see if DS1 would get so excited about it that he would help me with it.

First we sat in my office and talked about things that he should do daily. Then we searched on the internet for pictures of people doing those things. We printed little pictures and taped them on a page in his new "Big Boy Book" which for some reason he now calls his "calendar". I've started with 7 items daily:

• brush teeth,
• pick up toys in bedroom before bed,
• wait nicely,
• follow instructions,
• use tissue not sleeve,
• no shouting,
• let mommie work in her office.

No more list of words, because he can't read. But he does get the pictures. He gets to put stickers on at the end of the day. We have special Sponge Bob and Monster stickers in a bag with the book, and bags of candy, for our evening gathering. If he gets 5 stickers, he and DS2 get one sour patch candy. If he gets all 7 stickers, he and DS2 get two candies each. Yeah I know there is a conflict with the candy before bed, but hey he is now happily brushing his teeth and telling daddy that he must help him clean up his room before mommie gets in there. And there is power in a threat! I'll be talking to the sitter, and DS1 interrupts, I hold up my hand and remind him that this is how he earns his "waiting nicely sticker" by waiting till we are done talking.

After 20 stickers, he (and his brother) gets to unwrap a present from a bag I drag out each night to show them what they are working for. These include silly noise makers and matchbox cars, etc, that I pick up for $1 or so each and gift wrapped. After 40 stickers, his choice was a surprise from the bag or lunch with mommie (solo, no DS2); he chose the surprise from the bag. After 60 stickers, the choice was a prize from the bag or a date with mommie and DH, he chose the surprise from the bag! While my ego is hurt, he is now helping me with the chores more and learning behavior that make me happy.

Last night when I called home, he reminded me that DH now is doing the calendar with him and he's getting all his stickers. I'm a little worried that DH may not be towing the line on making him earn the stickers, particularly 'letting mommie work'. But he also reminded me that when I get home, I promised we would build a new page with more items. He is suggesting I add 'not hitting/kicking', 'sharing', and 'eating breakfast'. Tell me this kid doesn't know right from wrong!

DH is now a believer. Frankly, both of us are shocked at how totally into this DS1 is, for really limited rewards. I'm shocked at how quickly he moderates his behaviour when I threaten the potential loss of one of the evening stickers, and he does occasionally lose one, or two, or three. The two stickers he loses the most are 'following instructions' and 'shouting', both usually loss to uncontrolled enthusiasm for whatever. With the next new page, I'm going to up the anti. I think it will be 40 stickers to get a prize. But now that he's bought into the system, the change will likely work. Also, DS2 sits with us and puts some of the stickers on and gets prizes as well. While we are only measuring DS1's behavior, I think DS2 is understanding the stickers are earned and helping in his way. Of course he only gets the prize that DS1 earns, no more.

So this entry goes down as just prattling on about a parenting technique that I gained from Supper Nanny, that takes a lot of parental effort, but works. Not like we don't already have enough to do!