Two is harder than One

I was trying to get the boys out the door the other day, I think it was for preschool, or something where we had a deadline, really needed to be on time and they started to fall apart. It was all stupid silly stuff, "I want my polar bear gloves", when I couldn't find them, resulting in tears and the in ability of DS1's brain to connect with his feet. Then DS2 wanting to be held while I'm trying to get DS1's shoes tied. Anyway, it reved up into a tear fest for both boys and me just trying to get shoes, sweaters, coats and stroller out the door.

It is easiest to pick up DS2 and man-handle him, as he weighs less. So on with the clothes, into the stroller, on to DS1. DS1 is good with following instructions, but if DS2 is screaming, he also becomes emotional. Finally, I couldn't take the screaming any more, I reached over put my hand on DS2's mouth and said directly to him, "stop screaming, we are going out, and you really don't need to be screaming". I removed my hand and he stayed quiet. I pulled DS1 into the back of the stroller and as I was buckling him in, I thought wow, it is so much easier with one. Wow, will DS1 think we treated him like that when he was a baby? Because, frankly, we didn't. There was less to do with one, more time, greater patience. Then the guilt hits that each kid gets different treatment.

Its a birth order thing. I'm sure if we had three kids I'd be even stricter and by four I would be running a military operation. I'm a second child. I've never minded being the second child. As a second, the first is always there, so you know no difference. My husband is a first child. He remembers resenting when his younger siblings arrived. He knew he got less time and attention. But now I more closely see what he saw. It is obvious.

When I'm with only one of the boys, it is less stressful, with either one. They are different, they are motivated by different things. DS1 responds to rewards, "if you do X you get a star". DS2 responds to threats, "If you don't put your coat on I'm going without you". With only one in tow, I can work easily with the kid, neither of us find it too stressful. We can have fun. Sometimes I even get more creative, like "if you don't put your coat on the cold police will stop you from going outside", or "if you have your coat on we are more likely to see the cold bird that lives in the tree tops and creates the cold".

However, I do like going out with both boys. But it is more stressful trying to maintain the schizophrenic positioning to get them both moving. Sometimes, they are well rested, in great moods and it is easy breezy! Sometimes, I leave the lobby with two strapped in, but tearful kids.