Birth Order, Parental Exposure

The first time you see fireworks, it is like WOW. The second time it is cool.

So DS1 got to be fireworks for us. DS2 gets to be cool, but seen some of this before. It is not that the milestones and growth observed is not exciting, its just not as fresh as seeing it for the first time. There is also a slight element in that I'm still getting to feel like DS2 is my child, which makes the observations just a slight bit more emotionally removed as well.

I love both boys. At the moment DS2 is a moody 4 year old and DS1 is approaching his five month anniversary with us. I would say I love them both about 75% of the time. This is clearly when they are sleeping, when they are with the sitter, and about 2/3rds of the time they are with me. Is this harsh? I don't know. But does anyone really love a 4 year old in the midst of a moody tantrum when they insist they are only going to take "blue" flavored medicine although snot is running down their entire face? Does anyone really love a kid at the moment they are trying to bite you because you took them out of the beloved bath tub? In those moments, you parent, but love is not gushing forth.

Also I'm the disciplinarian of our household. I announce bedtime. I chose the time for cutting off juice and switching to water. I'm the one that insist that "no feet on the dinner table" is a must have rule I'm not willing to bend. I'm also the one that enforces time outs for bad behaviour. So as the bad guy (or disciplinarian) I tend to put up a little wall from time to time to get things done. Without this wall, hearing "I don't like you", would really hurt. Without this wall I would be raising heathens. With this wall, I have to limit doting on the kids to when appropriate only. This discipline is parenting.

I do love the boys, but parenting sucks. I was recently hanging with someone and they said, that although my boys were daring and fun, they really had no interest in having children of their own. Then they added, "I hope you are not offended". My response, "Not offended at all, I'd encourage you not to have children if you don't want them, the work is tiring, depressing, and required. Playing with the kids is fun, hugs and kisses are fun, but parenting is such a downer. And your life changes, no more free time, no more unattached travel, no more fun late nights followed by sleeping in, no more 2 hour dinners." Looking back, there are some parenting things I enjoy; planning and executing a birthday party, exploring new things with the boys, be it a museum or just finger paints, watching them enjoy themselves, like on the beach or in a fort, all are very cool. So parenting is not all bad, just more than I expected prior to having children.