Siblings

Daily I have a thousand and one thoughts about sibling relationships. Here's a few of the biggies; How do I foster love between them? How do I make sure each is getting what they need? How do I treat them the same when they are different? Am I making one do more than the other? How aware of one another are they? How aware of one another should they be? Who's going to do what, be what, need what?

I thought this series of photos was telling. First, in complete parallel play. Doing their own thing, but aware of each other. The second, still parallel play, but in the kitchen with me while I'm cooking. Here it tends to be more interrupted and interactive; they both like to get involved in what I'm doing. And Finally, the influence; if you can do it, I can too!

While most all of my friends have very different relationships with their own siblings, but want the same thing for their own kids - for them to like each other and have a "close" relationship. But I'm still in the stage where we would be happy if the kids would just not scratch/bite/pinch each other. And yet, I have a feeling we'll graduate to hitting and real torture by the teen years.

We have only been a family of four for three months, so I'm not sure what to expect. But DS2 is clearly enamored with DS1; he wants to do everything his big brother does. DS1 is very aware of DS2, but wants he needs his separate time to do big boy things. DS1 is mostly tolerant of the need to share, very vigilant on any safety issues and generally great about it all. I do worry that all of us tend to talk a bit about DS2 while he is with us, as if he couldn't understand us, because he's not speaking yet. However, given how short their memories are at this age, I'm hoping I'm not causing any therapy needs for DS2 down the road. But at the same time, he is hearing about the orphanage and adoption issues from the get go as DS1 tries to work it all out.

Now that I have two children, I won't say they are opposites of each other, but it becomes hard not to compare them a bit. One is more musically oriented. One is more physically coordinated. But on some things, I think I'll just need more time to see them develop - for example, I'm not sure which one will be more verbal, imaginative, or independent quite yet.

Are we setting a good example? DH and his brothers talk on the phone regularly. I love it. They talk politics and sports. Is this the stuff that keeps them close? Are they really informed about each others lives? I don't know, but they are talking and calling which is a sign that they are close. I don't call my brother. But I do like to see him when the chance emerges. I guess we are not close, but there is also nothing really in the way, which is good. I guess we aren't the worst examples for our boys. I have no idea if they will be close? Yeah, as kids they have friends in common, but will they call each other as adults. It will be a long time in waiting for this answer.