There are many unanswered questions, but its the little stuff that surprises me.
Someone asked if the trip to Block Island was the first time DS2 saw the sea. I paused and said, yes. Reality check, I don't know, but his home town wasn't close to the sea, and we sat in the middle of the plane when we flew, so I thought yes was the appropriate answer.
Someone asked if he had any food allergies, I have no idea. But he has food opinions. And yes, I have to remind myself to let him try everything because you just don't know what he was exposed to. For example he loves sautéed celery, even dh won't eat that.
But what I wonder about...
......Why is he so afraid of birds? dogs? cats? He likes to see them, but doesn't want them too near. I think it was just lack of exposure as in the last couple weeks he has warmed up to them.
......Why does he stop at a doorway and ask permission to go through? There is nothing stopping him, he should run; it breaks my heart to see his lack of courage to step through. This is true even when we are walking around the house, he hesitates before entering any room.
......Why doesn't he just get up and get the toy that is 6 inches out of grasp? Was he strapped down? or were things locked up? But he will sit and cry even if it just rolled out of his hand until I push him the necessary 6 inches (yes, push gently).
.......How did they teach him the standing diaper change, and why?
.......The inability to share a toy - well that one is easy to explain when the orphanage has like, nothing.
Sometimes if he is startled, he'll jump into my lap at lightening speed face in and form a ball. Sometimes now he bites me. These are little things. I know other adoption moms have similar signs and hints to prior experiences. Those that adopted older children actually hear stories from the kids on orphanage life. There are things I (we) won't know.
Video with the Girls
14 years ago
3 comments:
I had a life-changing moment after reading Kay Bratt's "Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage". She volunteered for nearly 5 years in a Chinese orphanage while her husband managed a manufacturing plant. She left in June of 2007 so the information is very current. The situations, conditions and experiences that she describes in her book, explain so much of our daughter's behavior. You aren't alone in wondering what our children's pasts were really like...
Nora does the same thing with toys that are dropped or just out of reach. I am pretty sure she was restrained in her crib as part of her palate recovery. She does not actually stop in doorways but hesitates everywhere -throws her hands up and cries to be carried. This is an interesting contrast to being very outgoing. She jumps right into the pool, and has already gone down a big slide and off the diving board. It can be difficult to reconsile.
We'll never know. That's the tough part. I spent two years in an orphanage, and I certainly exhibited signs of having been institutionalized, as does Brie, of course.
I have taken the "look to the future" approach recently, mostly because I know I have no other choice. Take to heart that you have the capacity to change his thinking and create a nicer world for your little man.
Post a Comment