Happy Birthday - the joy of two

Last week was ds2's Birthday. We celebrated with cake, candles, song and love. He enjoyed the cake, candles, song, friends and family, but wasn't sure about the whole blowing the candles out. Luckily there was help on hand. Yes, the last photo, of the four of us, is staged. I admit it, after ds1's first birthday without any photos of me, I have learned to stage a photo and hand the camera to anyone who can point, so that I too can be included in the memory books!

So, ode to two. Being two is interesting. Dr. Spock, which is my favorite child development reading, notes that two is an age of trepidation - striving for independence, but needing more loving support than ever. A time when the body again begins to grow and language can explode. I look at ds2 and wonder what the year holds. I hope and pray the body grows and language explodes. I already feel the quest for independence, but the desire to belong is still very immense. I know from ds1 that temper tantrums are about to become fashionable. But there is so much I still don't know. Why is he afraid of birds? Why will he not leave a room unless I tell him its ok? What in the world is he crying for now?

Also the number two makes me think of duality; and I think I, if not my family, are in the thick of living dualities. Oh, how I love you all and hate you all at the same time! How can one pull your heart strings but still be a complete pain in the ass? How can we find room to have fun in the quagmire of our despise. Sounds bad, yep even to me as I write it, but its honest. Every day since ds2 has come into our lives I have wondered, why did I ever wanted children? Why did I ever marry? Is it too late to run away and run a breakfast/coffee shop in Australia? But everyday I also see why I've been married 10 years, and have moments of joy with the kids and even see glimpses of fun we'll have down the road when they are both more physically and emotionally ready to gallop around the world (not that I haven't forced us all into that already!).

On Two - or the second child. I've thought a lot on this the last week, I think all the difficulties we are having as a family are really the realities of adding a second child, either adopted or biologically, to an established trio. It may be heightened by having added an already mobile toddler who doesn't speak the same language, but its really not adoption issues, just new child issues. When the first child was born, we had a bit more help on hand. I was on maternity leave at a firm I trusted. DH took time off work. We had a baby nurse the first two weeks during the day so I could sleep, and then our daily sitter started at about 6 weeks. This time around, I should have planned better. I am off work for three more weeks, but I'm not confident that my job won't screw me (this is a biggie as my paycheck is our bread and butter), which means I do need to manage my team from afar and plug into office stuff daily. DH is working mostly. No baby nurse, but I do have the sitter for ds1 who is now starting to help with ds2. I may have waited a bit too long to enlist her help, but I wanted to make sure ds2 knew who was mommie before allowing help. I am so the "mommie" now, I do wish I got her involved sooner. But beyond help, when a new soul joins the family, everyone has to alter their table manners (cooking plans) to include the new taste and eating tempo. Toys have to be evaluated for safety and share-ability. I don't need to mention sleeping, but sleeping schedules go array, and even sleep locations get messy for a while (last night I had each of our sons in our bed alternately, until they all settled into thier own beds well after 2 am). Guess what, even the smells change; welcome back poopie diapers in the house and the addition of an altered diet.

I know from some friends who have been reading the blog (and I hope there are still a few readers after a week off) that I sound whinny and pathetic. I know at times my husband thinks I can't handle it. But I wanted to be honest, that all is not simple, clean and easy. However, I do want you all to know, that even though this whole adjustment window totally sucks, I think it would have happended no matter how we chose to expand our family, it is not soully adoption issues. Also, I still hope and believe, although it has yet to be proven that this adjustment period is a window, to which we will at some point see and end and feel stronger, more in synch with each other. It hasn't killed me, yet. I haven't killed anyone yet, although dh should be worried that he is the highest on the list. So.....we all must be getting stronger.