From my heart

In the last few weeks I've gotten a few emails regarding this blog. I write because it is cathartic for me. It releases my demons. I find once I've written a thought out, and let it loose, it no longer bounces around in my brain.

I'm so thankful to hear from you that I'm not the only one thinking about these things; life, kids, aging, love, etc. I really appreciate your comments, and I appreciate your perspective. Going boldly, where I probably shouldn't, but here is a small sample of what you've said, in anonymous terms, and why I'm so glad you wrote!

"....I have to say I was reading some back posts, one in August or September had me laughing because I could have written it. Thank you for being so honest and saying what most people only wish they could say (especially for those of us too afraid of offending family members by speaking bluntly about them)...... it is so nice to see people lay it out for real so we know we aren't the only ones that struggle; Yes, I'm the type of mom that gets really excited when I see a mom ready to pull her hair out because her kids are driving her nuts at the zoo- makes me feel so normal!"

First, I wasn't sure I was normal when I started writing, so thank you for letting me in on the secret that I am! Second, I have on many occasions written late in the evening, or with slightly elevated blood alcohol levels and then thought, "hmm, lets see if my mom calls tomorrow to talk about that one?" And thankfully, my husband read the blog once and then quit. But he thinks it is all "girl talk". To which I say, "SO NOT!"

"I read your blog about the ebb and flow - and can really relate both to that, and also the relief/risk of sharing all those feelings."

That's what I'm talking about. Your share your thoughts with some people and they look at you like you are the worst mother on the planet; you share with others and the get it, they've been there too! I promise to listen better to everyone! And I'm so grateful to those that understand!

"I wish our child would have had the benefit of foster care. She never left the orphanage. I guess without any kind of medical intervention until we adopted her, foster care wasn't an option."

It is so helpful to have another perspective. Sometimes we go through the same events, but from different sides. Sometimes we go through different events but all sharing a common love for what's best for the kids. And sometimes I get so stuck in my rut, that I need to be reminded of alternative realities. Our kids have us now, I just can't believe how awesome that is!

"Just had to drop you a note to say I'm so glad I found your blog. I love your honesty. I have two kids from China (daughter 4, son 2.5) and can relate to a lot of what you write."

I think at times adoptive parents are afraid to talk adoption talk with non-adoptive parents. I think at times non-adoptive parents are afraid to ask adoption questions to adoptive parents. Straddling both worlds, I talk about it all with everyone and find we all just love our kids and there is commonality it that.

"Your mother sent me your thoughts on.... Your boys are beautiful and regards to your husband."
Mom, I love you, but I really hope you are editing what you copy and paste! Otherwise the rest of the family may think you raised a real wacko!

And last, but not least, a message that took my breath away:

"Yes, I know how you feel. I remember many times in my children's teen age years
how much I wonder if I loved them, or was I willing to let them go with no regrets.
I remember when they finally moved out and how I felt about it. In both cases love
was just behind my frustrations. I didn't feel this way again until I had
grandchildren, two adopted and four biological, and I started to wonder the same;
Can I have love for all of them, can I love the adopted as much as the others. But they
do things, different things that make you think different.  It amaze me how
my heart have such a deep love for each grandchildren and all the loves are different."
 
First, this is awesome because I'm not sure I'm confident enough
to broach the "love question" with grandparents. It is great to
know, the love comes.  And I'm not sure if  they even remember
how tough raising kids can be at times (or is it like child birth, a
pain that is soon forgotten?).  I also like knowing that this
experience, raising kids, is mine to carry and cherish for a long
time to come.  Finally, I'm not too excited to hear that teenage
years make you question the choice again!

Thank you all for let me vent.  Thank you for your support. 
Good Karma is being sent out to everyone!