7/23/08 - all going well

Riding between official meetings, consulate, police station, adoption stuff, with two boys who both want to be in my lap. Daddy in front seat!
A note from a friend that I will explain later.
The boys finding ways to play without language while hanging out in hot, unairconditioned "official" buildings.










A good and interesting day so far. We went walking to a pavilion near the hotel this morning. Out with both boys! They are very aware of each other and interacting a fair amount. DS2 watches everything ds1 does, which means DS1 has an easy audience for all funny faces. The fun part, or tough part, of being out and receiving all the stares and touching. DS1 doesn't like it when people touch him which is fair, but he is getting better at people looking/staring. DS2 is amazed by the world, and wants to run around like DS1, but simply doesn't have the muscle tone. I've noticed that there is a lot of whispering in Chinese after people note DS2 and I think its because they wonder how I got a boy. His lip repair is really that good. Our agency handler doesn't know what to do with all ds1's energy.

It was/is hot again today. Looking at 95-100 degrees for the next week. Thick humidity. There was a major cloud burst of about 2 hours late in the day yesterday, which came with big winds and then disappeared. Shortly after it was gone, I noticed we could see mountains from our hotel window. However, within 30 minutes, the smog, pollution, or humidity returned and the mountains were gone. You'll see what I mean, in that none of the attached photos offer great depth.

This afternoon I gave ds2 a bath while ds1 swam with daddy. Which means everyone has had a chance to wash the sweat off today except me! We were planning to go for a walk as I have no shoes that fit ds2 (the ones he was wearing from the orphanage are too small, and the ones I brought are too big) and only has two pairs of shorts that fit (this kid has no butt!). However, I decided ds2 was wiped and we would give him an extra bottle of formula, which he drank in 30 seconds and then blissfully went to sleep. Accordingly, a post before the end of the day. Ds2 asleep in crib and ds1 watching cartoons with daddy.

When we finally get out again, we are in search of fast food, franchise style. The hotel here is nice but ds2 and I are the only ones enjoying the Chinese food. Dh and ds1 need a bit of a change. I think we saw a KFC, it had a picture of the kernel (I know its the wrong spelling, but spell check can only go so far when you really screw up a word!) in neon although the lettering was in Chinese and not "KFC" that I could tell.

Updates on bonding - shockingly well. DS2 insist that I'm within 2 feet of him, but that's cool. He doesn't want dh to pick him up or hold him. However, this afternoon, he did venture into the hall a bit with dh and not me, which was a major break through. Ds1 is only marginally jealous, but keeps telling dh to stay back and not upset DS2, which I think has dh down a bit. Ds1 and 2 can be touching and playing with no problem. I have both boys sleeping in cribs, seperately. It is funny, but it works for them so its fine with me. DS1 views it as a fort, DS2 is simply accustomed.
Ds2 had two blister like things on his fingers yesterday, but four today. So he got a bath in warm antiseptic, a neosporin application and band aides. He is totally iron deficient and sweats an unbelievable amount. He can run and play for a while, but then the lack of muscle tone catches up and he's wiped out. He slept through the night, and his cough seems to be abating. He's generally happy, but I think I need to do the formula more than 2x daily like the orphanage said. And although I've stuffed him full, still no poopie, so tonight I start the prunes!

DS1 is having fun and very conscious of ds2. He kepts and eye on him, and gives him toys and things. DS1 is loving all the pool time. He can now thro out the floating kick board, jump and get it and swim back to the pool side. He did let go by accident today and tread water for a minute before going under, but it didn't phase him. Daddy was in the water and got him as DS2 and I watched. DS1 is getting better about putting his head under water. Amazingly, ds1 still doesn't recognize people are "Chinese". Every once in a while he notes that someone is very short. He did say to me our waitress the other morning had black eyes, but nothing more than that. No comments about how his brother looks.

DS2 will have to grow into his head. It is huge. I think this is part of the malnutrition, that the head grew but not the body. Also the back of his head is totally flat. There's no hiding it, you'll see the photos, he has a big, broad head, that I happen to think is adoring.

Ok, I know, you skipped the commentary and only looked at the photos.

7/22/08 - Update: Day 1 as a mommie of 2

Wow! What a day. Honestly, I''m not sure how it could have gone any better. First we got up early, but everyone slept well and rose in good spirits. At the hotel breakfast we meet other couples who had recently received their children. Several had "the baby cried for the first four hours" story, which really scared me because we had to visit all the officials as well as receive DS2 today.

But let me step back, on the way to breakfast we ran into our adoption handler, and when we walked into the restaurant she was called away. She returned as we were finishing our breakfast and told us the other couple traveling with unexpectedly received their baby 3 hours early! After hearing this we were reluctant to leave the hotel for a walk. So we went to our room, played with DS1 and tried to deal with the tension of the last few moments. DH and I found common ground in being much nicer with each other today.

At 10:20 am we went to the appointed place, but it looked like the hotel was setting up for some sort of cosmetic company function. A hotel guy tried to tell us to stay in the room, but his English was weak, our Chinese is pathetic, so we decided to go to the lobby. As we were coming out of the elevator, DS2 was walking toward us holding hands with a nanny (note, "nannies" is what the orphanage nurses are called). I was shocked, so was DH, and DS1 didn't get it at first. We let them go to the room and then followed a few minutes later - its important to follow protocol on these things.

When we entered, he was sitting in a chair between the Nannie and a man from the orphanage. We shook hands and then DS1 gave DS2 a panda bear. He was a bit unsure about us, but he was totally interested in DS1. We broke the ice by sharing puffs. He is all boy, food was definitely the way to his heart. We were all playing and the agency facilitator started asking my list of questions. Suddenly I remembered the photos and notes several of you sent with me to share. I pulled those out and explained, and the team from the orphanage was so, so immensely happy. As soon as they saw the photos they said the children's names without me noting the names written on the back of the photos. They LOVED receiving the updates!

Eventually it was time for the orphanage people to leave, and when they did, DS2 said bye bye without a tear. We had to stay and fill out a bit of paper work, then headed to the room for family time.

Upstairs, he was passed his meal time, so we ordered congee (water rice dish) and a ton showed up and he ate it all, steaming hot. Then he shared DS1's french fries, my noodles, a banana and we open a package of chocolate chip graham cracker bear cookies. The kid ate until he crashed at 7:30 pm this evening. Unfortunately, no poopie, so I know what to look for in the morning!

So what we know - he has a raspy cough, but only coughs once in every great while, but the nannie asked me to start antibiotics, so I did. He has a couple bruises on his feet from shoes that don't fit well. He has a few blister like cuts on two fingers. He has a big birth mark on his bottom. His lip and palette repair look phenomenally good.

He is ticklish. Very! He has an awesome giggle and enjoys trying to imitate all the motor boat and car sounds that DS1 throws at him. He smiles and giggles to himself as well as with us. He won't let me get more than 2 feet away, which means he stands beside me while I pee. He only want me to feed him, but he can feed himself as well. When he cries, his whole face distorts just like DS1. He only has cried when I step more than 2 feet away.

He loves the stacking toys and moving water about in the bath. He has a huge head and weak muscle tone. While he can walk, but if he tips over while sitting, he can't easily get back up and cries for help. He has a mouth full of teeth and chews well. He sucks from a bottle (this is major for a kid with cleft!!) but the nipple of the bottle that he came with has been cut rather open (starred through the top). When his is picked up he doesn't hold you back; but by the end of the day he was wrapping one arm against me and wresting his head on me.

He fits in 12 month clothes although he is almost two years old. But if he continues to eat like today, only 18 month clothes will be the way to go. His hair is stiff and dark, but I hope it will soften with nutrition. His head is huge - another reason we'll have to do 18 months.

DS1 has been awesome! On the bus on the way to all the meetings he had to sit with me and DS2. DH is being a touch left out, but very cool about it. DS1 and DHwent swimming while I gave DS2 a bath. At the meeting at the consulate, it was very interesting because the people from the orphanage where there. DS2 was happy to see them and lighted up with laughter when he saw them, but he stayed with us and didn't cry at all when we separated. Some how he knows. DS1 was a bit concerned. He said, "why is he with his other mommie, doesn't he want my mommie" I told him it was good for him to see his friends, and sure enough, after a 2 minute hello he was back to play with the toys, watch DS1 and cuddle with me.

Like I said, what a day! Thank you for all your thoughts and wishes, the positive energy totally reached us today! No worries, photos coming later.

7/22/08 We have him!

So far so good. He has a cold and is tiny, but overall good. He must be on me but loves watching DS1 and eating puffs.

7/21/08 - Only hours to go!

Today was a rough day. Maybe it is the time change, maybe just general anxiety, but DH and I were not kind to one another. But, we made it through the day and are looking forward to tomorrow. I think DS1 understood something was up because he was very well behaved. DS1 and I are on China time, DH is struggling with the change.

On site seeing - we got around a bit today. DS1 attracts a crowd everywhere we go, but he was a bit nicer about it today. But he does run, appropriately so, when the grandmas try to touch him. We went to a grocery/department store just 5 minutes walk from the hotel. We loaded up on snacks, because DS1 and DH could not stop themselves. But big note to mommies coming this way - they have everything here! Huggies, wipes, soap, detergent, all types of bottles and sippy cups, formulas, all the U.S. brands, you name it, it was here. I brought tons of stuff from home, but really it all was here. But we also picked up soda, water and fruit. Our room is a small suite, one bedroom, living room, small eating area, kitchenette (fridge and sink) and a half bath. I opted for the suit due to having the two kids and not sure who would be sleeping when.

Also walked around the pavilion area. We found this shop with the most amazing embroidery I have ever seen. We bought one little piece today (for the boys' room), but we'll be back for another by the end of the trip. Also an unusual shop with patches and matches. Really amazing, highly decorated boxes of matches.

It is hot. Today reached over 100 degrees with at least 60% humidity. But, as I expected so I was kind of mentally prepared for it. Our agency guide keeps saying we'll need to make our room warmer so ds2 doesn't catch a cold.

So...Tomorrow. I'm not sure what to say. It will be a long day. I'm sure we'll be up by 7 am. The babies are to be here by 10:30 am, but at 10:20 we (us and one other couple) are to go to a central meeting room in the hotel. We will take our donation bag, the photos and notes that other mommies have sent, a small gift, our passports, and a fee for some paper work. We will meet our children, have a few minutes with the nannies, and start some of the paper work. We have been told we'll likely be back at our rooms around 11:15 am. We meet again at 2pm to start the official rounds of consulates and such that will occupy the next 3 hours, with kids in tow. Then the rest of the paper work moves forward via facilitators and we are free to bond, and sites see until Monday when we receive the passports/visas and head for Guangzhou.

I'm excited. I hope that we all pull through it together. I really don't know what to expect. I would prefer to have a day before doing the paperwork runs, but it just didn't work out that way. The other couple with us are adopting for the first time and this is their first child. At least we have each other to bounce around ideas. It will be interesting to go back to diapers, formula, and naps. It will be weird not to have personality history (i.e., likes and dislikes), but what I am most concerned about will be the complete lack of communication up front. The new guy will really be thrown in the deep end with us, and we won't know what he is trying to say. So, I will write again as soon as I can. Tomorrow/tonight we need your kindest thoughts and best wishes possible - after today, we really could use the boost!

7/21/08 - A couple photos

Here's is DS1 a the Great Wall. He climbed to the top of the hill in the background. Nervous mommie, me, held his way all the way down! Also a photo of the Great Wall. The terrain is rugged here!

A photo of all of us at the Great Wall. Our guide Linda took the photos. She is great, arranged by our adoption agency and now with us in Nanchang taking care of all the paper work and arrangements. From the Forbidden city in Beijing. DS1 actually slept through this entire tour. Linda took him in the stroller and met us at the end. It was a must do tour if you are in Beijing. The Forbidden city is much, much more expansive then I imagined from the outside!

Tomorrow the fun begins. We get our new guy at 10:30 am.

7/20/08 - Beijing to Nanchang

Today we traveled a quick 2 hour flight to Nanchang. We hit the airport early, as the new security measures for the Olympics started today, but honestly, it was very well organized and quick - and I'm saying that even though we navigated through languages! A variety of thoughts:

On luggage/travel - thank you for the tips. I brought a travel scale which has totally made things easier. I saw other people having to switch lines to pay over charges and people trying to rearrange bags. Also thanks for the note 44lbs, not 40lbs! I'm unaccustomed to traveling with so much stuff and find it a bit embarrassing. However, I'm traveling with four people in mind, not just me.

On Beijing - It's a modern, and western-convenienced, city. In historic travels we have been to several third world major cities; Phenom Pen, Cambodia; Cairo, Egypt; Bangkok, Thailand; and I would say that Beijing is no where in that realm. Its more like visiting Chicago with a darker haired population. The architecture is stunning and very modern, the streets are extremely clean, the only pollution in the air. I guess no city can host the Olympics unless it has the infrastructure and conveniences of a major European market. In preparation for the Olympics, they have started shutting down factories (temporarily), cars are now on an alternate day driving system (odd number licensed plates on odd numbered days, even on even). The landscaping is in full swing, with potted flowers everywhere in addition to beautifully kept grass, bushes and trees. Even the major free way leading to and from the airport is lined with flower boxes. There are definitely older parts of town, but just like in New York, these parts are shrinking and modernizing. This is no longer the city of 20 or 50 years ago, the city of bicycles is gone. Cars now rule.

On the Great Wall - totally worth the visit. Hard to explain. Photos tomorrow.

Nanchang - more what one expects from a smaller Chinese city. The pollution is amazingly thick, lots of cars, bikes and scooters. Today we saw a baby sit between her father's feet on a scooter. Now DS1 thinks he should get to ride. We are at the Gloria hotel. It is nice/fine. The city reminds me a bit of Hong Kong, without the updating/renovations. More on the city tomorrow.

On getting closer to "Gotcha Day" - Its amazing its getting here. Yet, last night as we had dinner at a steak house that was totally four star, and DS1 was a complete gentleman (ordering for himself and everything), I had to wonder, when will we be able to eat a civilized meal in a nice restaurant again? Not totally that I care, but my DH has become accustomed. Day after next, we meet him!

7/19/08 - Just a few photos

A starter set. Didn't load the "split-pant" as it was a bit graphic. But I will try to get a better one today. Only three more full days and we get to meet our new guy!

7/18/08 - Day 2 Beijing

Well, I'm finally writing in the evening, I've made it to 8 pm! DS1 and DH are asleep. They both went down just moments ago, so I think tomorrow will be our best day yest as far as finally being on China time! Not bad, takes at least 3 days.

Basics - Got up this morning at 4 am, so not as bad as yesterday's 2am. Hit the gym, then breakfast. I wanted to hit an old part of town, so we went out by a "Bell Tower" (sorry, I don't have my map infront of me to give you the proper name). This was in a very old and poor part of town. The popel live in tiny littley side streets that twist and turn where cars can not pass and there are communal bathrooms. There were a couple tour groups passing by in fancy pedi-cabs, but we were on foot. Frankly, people seemed surprised to see us. It was totally cool to walk around. Of course ds was asleep for this portion of the morning, which meant I could leave the stroller open and enjoy interacting with the people that enjoyed looking at him.

We went into a local market, where there were many venders selleing vegggies, and meats, but the dry goods was a propper store with carts. It was an interesting combination. In one of the stalls, I was flirting with a gorgous little girl about 12 months old, and we found out how the split pants worked! Right there she peed on her grandma's leg. YUCK! Ok, I understand that pee is sterile, and yes, as a mother I have been peed on, but come on, split pants is just not cool in a market.

It started to get very dark and as we felt a few rain drops. We dove into what I thought was a tiny dress shop to wait out the passing cloud burst. Well three surprises, it wasn't a "tiny" shop, it wasn't a "dress" shop, and it wasn't a cloud burst. In a matter of minutes the street was 6 inches deep in water. So I thought we'll just look around. But as I approached the back of each room, the shop owners would turn on another light that lead into another room. Besides avoiding the rain, I now have a tea set, a fish kite and black jade earnings (not sure they are real, but I like them!). The shop owners even ran out and got a taxi to the edge of the street for us so we could jump in without getting too wet. I guess they figured with the rain we were going to be their only customers for a while.

Back at the hotel, we went swimming before lunch. Swimming with ds is fun. Each day I ssee him becoming more confident in the water. At the hotel there are little floating kicking boards which he can now handle by himself. Although he is really kicking, the speed of forward motion is still impressively nonexistent!

After lunch, the rain had stopped and we headed out again, this time to the "Pearl Market". The top floor (out of six floors) had "fine-end" jewlrey and pearls, the lower floors became progressivly trashy. Amazingly, I'm a very selective shopper and these type of places don't work well for me anymore. However, ds is becoming a fine budding consumer! He left with a spiderman watch, two chinese hats (one for him and one for his brother), a dolphin shaped back massager (which he thinks is a riot when in vibrates), and a folding fan. I gave him money and let him try to negotiate, but he really doesn't have a hang for numbers. So I just told him to say "less" and hold up his twenty (Which converts to ~$3 US). This basically worked. On the messager he did try to offer just 2, not the 20, and the ladies really laughed. DS alos started asking question; "why are they trying to sell us things we don't want?" I tried to explain that they are making a living and we can just smile and say no. However, with his rock star status, the vendors do get a bit aggressive, and ds responds in kind; "I don't want to buy!" My favorite was by the long line of resturants outside when he shouted back, "I'm not hungry!"

While in the market we ran into a lovely couple from Minnasota who were also adopting. They had a 3 year old biological son with them and were adopting a 14 month old baby. The baby was from a Beijing orphanage. They are returning to the States next week. It was cool to say hello. Ds1 showed their son his watch, their son had bought a wood snake.

On the Emotion Philisophical - Years ago we went to Tanzania with a group of friends and everyone claimed an animal as their brethern. Dh got the donkeys. I claimed "things with wings". I have always felt a kindred spirit there. This summer in NYC, it has been rather wet and there have been more fireflies then I ever remember. They make me happy, flashing their butts. At lunch we saw dragonflies. I don't know its kind of wierd, but I feel like these winged creatures are helping us all stay connected. They know I'm here for ds2 and they seem to tell me all is good, he is ready. Ok, maybe its just sleep deprevation.

Tommorrow off to the Great Wall with one of our guides from the adoption agency. Not sure which, but will meet her tomorrow at 9:30 am, which is an incredibly late start for us!

P.S. Sorry can't get spell check to work tonigh. Also I have photos of the split pants, the spider watch purchase and ds driving boat. I will try to get these up tomorrow.

7/17/08 - Beijing Day 1

Things you can do in a hotel, with a 3 and half year old, at 2am: go to the gym, hit the pool (which is empty today, but they have an agreement with the Marriott next door), take a bath and watch sumo wrestling on tv at the same time, take a shower and play with the shower hose, jump on bed, destroy pillows and finally break down and watch a video. Breakfast opens at 6:30 am!

After breakfast we walked around the main tourist areas, with an emphasis on parks near the Tian'anmen Square area. We rented a little boat on a little lake. Ds found a great indoor climbing play gym. By noon ds crashed in the stroller and we returned to the hotel. I plan to let him sleep another hour then wake him and take him swimming before dinner.

So far Beijing is proving very cosmopolitan, very clean. We are seeing big tour groups but all Chinese. Today we saw only maybe a handful of caucasians. We saw toddlers in split pants with nothing underneath- truly letting it all hang out. We are wondering how this works when they do a deed? Maybe we'll find out tomorrow.

7/16 We are here!

We have arrived. We are exhausted. The flight was direct; Newark over the North Pole to Beijing, about 15 hours. It was a good flight; smooth and quiet. DS1 was awesome. He only slept 2 hours, but was well behaved; stickers, coloring, toys, movies, cartoons and even a couple books. He sat with me the whole time and was a better flier than DH who sat one row behind us by choice. It seems like any flight over 4 hours leads me to question my choice in spouse, but here we are.

We brought along two "Zoobie pets". Bit expensive but I highly recommend. Looks like a stuffed animal but unstuffs into a blanket and pillow.

After we checked in, DS1 wanted to know where DS2 was. Forget sleep, he wants his brother! That was at 1 pm. Now it is 5pm and I'm the only one awake. That said, good night!

7/14/08 - almost midnight

Let's face it, it will be the day we leave by the time I'm done writing tonight!

What a day. I'm ready to go! I've stuffed our bags, paired down husband and I to about nothing to keep all the ridiculous stuff for the kids. I'm taking my weekend bag as my carry on, with toys, video, books, and all the must have documents. We have three big bags for check in; one is for the orphanage, one is everything for ds1, ds2 and me in Nanchang and GuangZhou, and the third is ds1 and my stuff for the Beijing days, as well as a tiny bit of space I left for my husband. Three of the four bags are under 40lbs. The fourth is 45lbs. I will rebalance in Beijing; I totally don't have the heart to do it tonight. The good news is that once we hit Nanchang, one bag disappears to the orphanage and I get to replace that as well as add a new one for the new guy. So no worries, there is lots of room to bring home memorabilia.

Packing and thinking about what is important is a bizarre twist from my first trips as a teenager. More electronics (camera, phone, video, blackberry) and a lot less clothes. Now when I travel I assume I will never see these people again, so it is ok that my clothes don't match and sandals or running shoes can go with anything. I used to try to look nice on trips. I debated on whether to take any make up at all. I decided there is likely to be a few photos, so I might want to take a little. As a teenager I lived in England for a year. I talked to my parents three times in that year. This was before cell phones. We actually wrote weekly letters! I think things were a bit more simple that way.

Also in packing, I had to go back in time. Will I need bibs? how many bottles? etc. All things we gave up a couple years ago! Our son gave up milk/formula on his first birthday. He gave up diapers on his third birthday. I'm a bit rusty. It will be fun.

On logistics, today I ordered medical trip insurance for us all, did a last stop for shampoo and like, packed, got a pedicure, had a nice private lunch by myself, packed more, went to dinner with ds and dh, took out the garbage (like a hundred times), wrote notes to friends, answered phone well wishes and a couple quick visits.

Emotional update, what a whirlwind. Its not like I didn't think today would arrive, but it seems like I was still unprepared. I took my time packing, thinking too much about every t-shirt or sock that went in the bag. I went to lunch and savored it as my last moment of freedom. But I've survived marriage - we just passed our ten year anniversary - and love my first son - now 3 and half years old - so I have no idea why I so needed this lunch all alone and really not that special. I guess I was savoring not having to go to work today; it was my first day off. I like what I do for a living. I've been doing in 12 years now, and its still interesting, which surprises me. However, I am on Wall Street and the market is bad, which is taxing when you are in it day in and day out.

I will be emailing in many of my post from a blackberry. This means be prepared for wicked misspellings. I will stop by internet cafe's to edit, add photos. I hear they are everywhere now, or hotel business suites.

I'm ready to go! I don't feel prepared, but I feel ready to take it on. We fly out of Newark at noon. Land on the 16th in Beijing. We are site seeing until the 19th, to Nanchang on the 20th. The schedule say I get to meet my son at 10:30 am on Tuesday the 22nd. I think he knows we are coming, but who knows? To GuangZhou on the 29th, and head home August 1st. The four of us are incredibly close to being together!

7/12/08 - I love weekends

I don't even know the date by Sunday night. Weekends are a whirlwind of family time. Great time bonding, tired time trying to avoid naps, and my favorite... the silly time. Silly time comes out of nowhere. Its those in-between moments when the joke is really stupid but we all get it. Its the giggles, the snuggles, the free kisses. Its really the reward of parenting, but it is greater than that because it happens between the three of us, not just with ds. This weekend the silly time was punctuated with the knowledge that soon its about to get richer by adding one more soul to the mix!

This weekend we had company visiting from out of town; cousins that ds loves. I had two boys sleep over saturday night and woke up to a household of three boys and of course the older fourth, my husband. Honestly, not a bad thing! But because of the family time, and the focus on savoring the last moments as a trio, Sunday night swept up on me like a ton of bricks. OH NO, I have to pack! Good news is, I took tomorrow off work just to do that.

So here's the logistics update. We are booked, I have tickets as well as a folder from the agency with every form we need. I have cash from the bank and a money belt to wear on the trip. I have all the required medicines, lots of distraction stuff, and diapers for all. I did manage to pack the orphanage donation bag. It is weighing at slightly over 30 lbs, which is perfect! (Note: for intra-China travel, suitcases must weight no more than ~40 lbs. For international flights the weight limit is 50 lbs. But how are you supposed to lose 10 lbs between flights is a small miracle I'd like someone to fill me in on. Forget the suitcase, I'll apply this miracle to my thighs!)

So here's the emotional update. I can burst into tears on a dime. Mostly for totally good reasons. The orphanage bag is predominately stuffed with supplies my friends have donated. Honestly, so much I couldn't get it all in the suitcase; t-shirts, dresses, boy clothes, girl clothes, socks, shampoo, combs, formula, developmental toys, pull toys, hydrocorticoid creams, socks and more socks. The things that didn't fit in the bag, I took to the adoption agency for my meeting with the three other couples that are traveling with us. I can say that all the donations, whether I carry them or not, are making it to kids in need/China. This is the kind of thing that makes me tear up - I know, pathetic.

Another big tear burst tonight, another adoption mom was reviewing photos from a disposable camera they sent to the orphanage which they retrieved when they pick up their daughter last month (talk about a run on sentence that I don't know how to fix!). She just emailed me the photos of her gorgeous daughter with my son tonight. The photos are amazing, its the first time I get to see my son smiling!! I don't think the Chinese Government has any idea how hard we work to keep these kids connected to China, to their peers and/or their region. Its amazing we have the technology to create this kind of network! Thank you Nicole!!



For those prospective adoption parents, or waiting adoption parents, you should know you can send a small package to your child. After we sent in our letter of intent, but before the Chinese authorities blessed the match, through our adoption agency we sent a small package; a disposable camera, a child-friendly photo album with 5 photos of ds1, dh and I, a small toy (slinky), a small stuffed animal, and some candies for the nannies (the nurses who take care of the children). The hope is when we go pick him up... in 10 days!!...We may receive the camera, which we can develop and give him/us photos of his friends and surroundings from before he joined us. Additionally, he will have seen photos of us, so we won't be a totally surprise.

The other tear jerker - your comments! Keep them coming! It totally helps. I have bought a travel stroller, travel scale, set aside tons of snacks to bring, as well as taken great counsel in your thoughts and words! Thank you. I am oddly calm tonight, I guess its because I haven't reached the crisis moment that I know is coming....when the suitcases won't close. But in the last week I've learned that we are traveling, booked the travel, completed all the documents, had awesome bonding time with my family and now feel more settled that we are leaving for an adventure of a life time. But this is not the first adventure or the last! The early adventures include, going to grad school, getting married and having the first child. This next adventure is to become a family of four. I'm not planning beyond this next adventure, but I know it only leads to more wonderful adventures to follow.

P.S. On the anxiety sleep. Good news, I got my period, drank a more than a glass of wine, and have been sleeping much better. Also very glad to have one less thing to pack on the trip, tampons!

On Cleft Lip and Palatte

Honestly, I've been dreading this post. It has been building for a few days. I need to talk about cleft lip and palette in honest terms for those considering adopting a child with this "need". Also check out the Yahoo group for cl/cp, medical websites and seek out other parents/adults dealing with the issue.

Everyone says it is "fixable", its just a surgery. These statements are correct ,but incomplete. it is fixable with work, time and multiple surgeries. I'm not a physician or a speech therapist, so I'm going to talk in simple terms with the incomplete knowledge I have at this time. I encourage parents with greater experience to add comments to this post!! And if I present any errors, I will edit over time.

Here it goes. The palate in simple terms is the roof of the mouth. In kids with cleft palate, the palate has not formed completely, meaning that the roof of the mouth opens freely with the nose cavity; defacto the roof of the mouth is the top of the nose cavity. This creates the ability to shoot food out your nose. Which seems highly functional and fixable. However, in closing the palate, it also creates the ability to stop air movement as well as food movement. This stopping of air is necessary to create sounds like "b", "p" and "ch" among other sounds. If the palette is connected but a lot of scar tissue is formed, the palette may become stiff making it difficult to make some sounds. Unfortunately, we won't know how strong and how flexible the palette is until our son starts speaking and we can evaluate the sound.

The muscles and palate involved in creating sound developer according to a variety of stimuli, including sucking, eating and talking. But guess what, kids from orphanages often have been bottle propped, which means they may not know how to suck. Furthermore the older kids are likely ate traditional Chinese baby/toddler food, congee, which is very soft, so soft they haven't learned to chew. Children in an orphanage are unlikely to have great one-on-one interaction to create the ability to mimic speech. Finally, English is very different than Chinese in which parts of the mouth are used in speaking. In totally, the muscles involved in speech and the palate are unlikely to have been exercised in the manner necessary for English.

Now lets talk about what happens today when a child in the US is born with cleft lip and palate (cl/cp). First a plastic device s fitted in the gum gap to close it. Then surgery occurs to close the lip, gum and palette, all well before the age of one. Well before the time the child starts talking, the muscles and palette are complete. There may need to be revisions for cosmetic or scar tissue type reasons. When the baby teeth a vigilant what on the teeth pattern/placement begins. Is the bum line holding? If not more surgery when the adult teeth start to show on the x-rays. A bone graph from the hip may be necessary. Orthodontist work is likely necessary, braces will be tough to avoid. bone graphs are usually done around ages 6-9. A bit of hip bone is put into the gum line so the permanent teeth have a place to anchor. Finally, after all the facial bones are done growing (think 16-18 years old) the final revisions are possible. From the extreme end this may include breaking the jaw to correct an overbite, or on the more mild end just a bit more cosmetic work.

Now lets note what's happening in China. The lip is corrected, sometimes the main palette is corrected, but almost never is the gum line corrected. The lip around a year, the palette anytime between 14 months and 5 years. The desire in China to do big surgeries on little babies is lower. Due to the lack of gum line correction, there may be a slight hole at the gum line. The gum is unlikely to be repaired until closer to 4 year old, when the complement of teeth are in. Due to the lack of early intervention on the gum line the surgery at age 6-9 to bring in bone is an almost certainty. The correction for overbite in the teen years is still hit or miss depending on the specific child's development.

So, yes, everything is fixable and correctable. But the reality is this is a 4+ surgical process that won't be complete until the kids are 18 or so years old. As a prospective parent, this means you must have the means to pay for surgery and/or the long term prospects for good insurance. It means early intervention (from the beginning) on speech therapy, that may continue for many years.

I don't want to scare prospective parents off, but cl/cp is not a birthmark that once removed, the process is completed.

I have a very dear friend, who is the age of my parents. When I told him I was adopting, he was over the moon. I went on to explain the child was a boy, with cl/cp, my friend went silent. Over the last 11 years of our relationship he had never mentioned that his currently 25 year old son was born with sever cl/cp. My friend simply said, "do you know what you are getting into?" I explained what I knew. He agreed, its all correctable. Then set up dinner for me with his son. His son is a typical 25 year old. The scar really is not noticable. Frankly, he thought it was amusing that I even wanted to chat about his perception of life with cl/cp. He knew no other life and the cl/cp stopped him from nothing except for sports for six weeks each time he had to have a surgery. This young man had severe case with the overbit revision at 16. Even at 25 he still has a slight hole in the back of his palete, but no real speach impetament. At the end of dinner, I knew it was fixable, but its not simple, it takes time and energy, over many years.

Frankly, I believe we all have issues that take many years to resolve. I prefer knowing what one of the big issues is form the start, i.e., cl/cp. But, this will not be the only issue. Like all parents, we'll have to figure out how to deal with peer pressure, teen hormones, drugs, sex and educations, let alone potty mouths and potty training. It seems to me like cl/cp is more straight forward than any of the others. This is why when the referal came in I said "yes, this is a challenge we can address".

7/11/08 - A Few Photos

Ok, its 4 days to go and I totally am not accomplishing a thing at work. So today I'm going to try putting up a few photos for the first time. Only a few, as I'm at work and only have a few to work with.

Here is ds2 our first referal photo and the most recent update. Isn't he a handsome guy! I have a few pre-surgery photos, but they are at home.




















And these last couple are of ds1. He is also gorgous, looking like his
daddy who is a very handsome dude.

7/9/08 - 5 days to go.

Expecting a child is consuming. When I was pregnant with ds1, by the end of the pregnancy I was huge and tired. He came at 41 weeks, with medical help, and at 10 lbs. During the pregnancy, I spent time talking to other moms getting advice on a wide range of subjects. I was tired. In the last few weeks I used to take naps as well as go to bed early. But sleeping was difficult as I was huge and the baby was active.

With adoption it is actually in many ways similar. I still feel pregnant, but it is not as visible. I am consumed with thoughts of "are we prepared?" I'm getting prepared, and spending time with other moms getting advice on a wide range of subjects. Its a different type of fellow mom search, as I'm not as visibly pregnant, but my radar for adopted families is up and I'm meeting blended families everywhere I go. I still don't know what is about to come, but I'm excited. And yes, I'm not sleeping well. Last night I woke from nightmares of fighting of Cobra snakes in the middle of flooding.

I'm presuming that the conclusions of both pregnancies will be similar. Child in hand, sleep deprivation till everyone gets on a schedule, but the creation of more love than thought humanly possible and some satisfaction in just being there.

Today we received our visa, passports and tickets back from the travel agent. I went to the bank for a cashiers check for the agency (covering all intra-country travel costs) as well as cash for all the payments required for the adoption process (donation to orphanage, passport fees, registration fees, notary fee, visa fees, medical check up fees, and yes, even $5 for a baby photograph fee). When I told the lady at the bank that I needed new (post 1990), clean money, and in specific denominations. The woman was totally accommodating, which surprised me.

Today my office surprised me with a baby shower and cake. My girlfriends surprised by with lots of donations for the orphanage. I'm starting to relax more and looking forward to the trip. Amazingly, its been 21 months getting to this point. It is happening fast, but still,some how, not quite fast enough.