Tragedies and Children

In NYC taxis there are little TV screens with a loop of information about recent news; i.e., the weather and what is happening in the city. As I was taking DS2 to swim lessons (normally we walk, but it was so cold) in a taxi and there was a clip of the airplane that landed in the Hudson River last month.

DS1 likes to talk through all the parts of the story. Basically these are the points he likes to go over: The plane was taking off when a bird got caught in the engine. This stopped the engine and the pilot had to find a place to land the plane, fast. The pilot chose the Hudson River, right beside our house. He landed the plane with a big splash. Everyone ran out of the plane onto its wings. And then rescuers came to get them. The police, the fireman, but also rescuers that were ordinary people doing ordinary things that decided they could help. Like the ferry boats. They came up stream and helped. They became rescue ferry boats. Everybody got out. Everyone went inside to warm up. Then later the people went back to the airport to take another plane home.

Today he wanted to focus on the ferry boats that became rescue ferry boats. This is an easy story to go over, everyone lived. However, at a point I had to change the conversation. It just got too emotional for me. It is weird how 9/11 will sneak up on me. I was working downtown at the time and was entirely too close to the situation to be at ease. However, I was fine and able to walk home with thousands of other people that day. There were so many ordinary people that became rescue people. It has never left me. It has amazed me daily since then, let alone changed my being into someone far more proactive.

We have a picture book about 9/11 and a retired fire boat that helped. On occasion the boys pick it out for nighttime reading. Sometimes I read it, sometimes I tell them to pick something different. But it is important to talk about the good and the bad together. I can read, "Don't Talk to Strangers". So it seems reasonable that I should also read them things just to stay aware. It is age appropriate materials, but wow, it is not easy to discus tragedy with kids. The really big bad uglies, as I think of them, need to find words. But not every day. Not every week. Just on occasion.

Frankly "tragedy" conversations become very hard conversations to have in an adoptive family. I don't want the kids thinking something bad is going to happen and they'll find new parents. I don't want the boys to think something bad happened to DS2's parents that lead to his joining us. And this thought if not spoken, is still thought. I know I think it. So I have to assume by the boys do as well, in their own way. However, I do emphasize that ordinary people, even those of us with limited super powers, can help one another. Maybe even more importantly, that we should help one another.