We've had an issue here at our little house. The Little Man seems to be able to memorize anything, particularly if it is set to a tune. The Big Boy was starting to learn his ABCs. But once the Little Man heard the song twice and could sing it by himself, the Big Boy stopped singing along. Then the Little Man started singing the song ALL THE TIME.
How do you teach one child to believe in themselves when they know others can do something that they themselves are clearly struggling with? The Big Boy is physically gifted. He runs like a Greek God. He's been on two wheels without training wheels since he was four. We've been out this Spring with the skate board, and he is clearly figuring out and starting to chat up the 8 year olds out practicing on their boards. I can take him to the board shops and he's willing to show the guys - often young 20-something kids - what he can do. And then to my amazement, they show him the next things to try. He has decided he wants to take a serious gymnastic class this summer. And this all started with ballet at the age of 2 which he insisted on taking 2x a week for almost 2 years.
But, the ABCs have him down. He can not say them. He doesn't know the names of all the letters, he doesn't know what sound they make. But yet he IS interested. He wants to write. He asks me to write things and then he copies it. He asks me to tell him what letters/numbers look like: i.e, a 9 is a balloon escaping and an M is like two mountains, yes, B is for Boobies - he is a boy after all!
So I bought a really cool ball and told him it was his when he could say his ABCs. But he still doesn't want to practice around his brother. And honestly, does a 5 year old need to have memorization skills when they have a bigger vocabulary than many of my friends and greater physical skills than their daddy? In my opinion, no. But the public school system doesn't see it that way.
So after tears, and lots of repeat after me. He was close enough to get the ball. He is not fully saying his ABCs, but he's soooooo close. And he so wants the ball. And he is so frustrated.
It is unlike me to bend the rules. But I gave it to him. He's going to practice with me tomorrow. He is happy and proud. But this is a beaten down proud. It's not like the physical stuff where I see the light bulb go off when I'm shouting keep your knees bent and lean forward and he's suddenly riding the board. When I see that spark, then we can stay in the park for another hour and he is happy to just keep trying. This is different. He knows others are doing it and he is not. He gets beaten down and I have to bring him back up to the level of keep trying.
How do I get him to believe in himself? I just keep telling him, yes, you can do it. You can do anything. We just have to practice. He believes in me, I just wish he believed a bit more in himself on this issue.
Any suggestions?
Video with the Girls
14 years ago
3 comments:
I think you've done a great job of being a positive mirror to your son. Just look at everything you've modeled over the past year of major change in your professional life.
I think its also a great lesson in different people are better at different things. Maybe his brother will never ride a skateboard like he can and will be frustrated with that. We all learn in our own way and our own pace and have things we are better at than others and it can be frustrating when things we want come easily to others and we struggle but if its worth it you work and struggle and you will get there. Its not a race all the time. You are staying positive with him and helping and involved and that is so important. When it comes to school type work I went through 18 years of this with Kayla and her and our frustration only to find out 3 months ago that she has Aspergers. She's very high functioning but it explained alot about why some things came easy and others not at all and why those teachers willing to take the time got through and those that didn't lost her. She's highly intelligent and has a photographic memory so we never got why she didn't get it. She learns differently. We all do! He just needs to find his way!
We see these types of issues all the time with the boys (born 13 months apart). It can be hard when one can do something more easily than the other, but over time they start to see that they each have strengths and weaknesses. While we always note and complement on things the kids can do easily or naturally; we really try to focus on applauding and rewarding "attempts at things that are difficult" and "a willingness to take risk".
You may want to consider why Big Boy, with his big vocabulary is struggling with letters. There may be a bigger struggle at hand. Close friends of ours whose highly intelligent 7 year old could not begin to read recently discovered he has vision issues. The letters literally move (as opposed to dyslexia - which was orginally assumed). With vision therapy he is now learning to read, and it has relieved tons of insecurity and stress for the child. Just a thought!
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